*.* Revelation *.*
During the past 2 days, I have been through a lot of emotional stress. It was so much that I didn't know I was going through it. I guess I was struck by a tsunami of emotions.Within less than 24 hours, I uncovered many 'truths'. And I experienced things that actually turned out to be blessings. As I sat down in the adoration room at CTK today, I recollected the past 2 days' events and I realized that perhaps, it was God rolling out his revelations to me. Strike 1, Strike 2 and Strike 3. I did my Strike 4 today and had not for my mother's sms, I really didn't know how courageous I was. Seriously, I didn't know how brave I was. I knew that if I pursue it, I'm going to give myself more trouble but to secure a better future, it is best to be pursued, even if there may not be a good chance of getting it. I was indeed brave although I was nervous when I had to do that Strike 4.I told myself at the adoration room today, that I am going to let go of my Strikes 1, 2, 3 and 4 and concentrate on my Strike 5 - my practicum. The previous 4 strikes have been performed and honeslty, I cannot do anything much except to leave it in God's hands. So God will take care of them for me.Now, I need to get back on my 2 feet and perform as many strikes as possible. I cannot wait to be fed now. I have to feed myself. I have to learn how to be thickskinned and take LOTS of initiative. My students are waiting for me to perform for them. (Being a teacher is akin to being a performer. Sometimes, I really do feel this way.) And I want to put up a good performance for them. I want them to enjoy learning Econs. I want to perform many many good strikes.I think I'm getting back my focus. The rest is up to me to pursue them. I need guts, courage, thickskin, persistence, suck-up skills, good communication, good smiles, wisdom, fortitude, energy, wit, zeal, openess and closeness, etc.But for now, it's sleep therapy for me. I decided it's useless spending the last 45 mins of the day to do something substantiative. I should just reward myself with extra sleep, especially after having gone through such emotional trauma. I need to sleep off my emotional drain. Thank You Lord for lighting up my life.
A Child of God blogged @ | 11:09 pm
*.* Silence! *.*
Matthew 1:16,18-21,24a
Jacob was the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary. Of her was born Jesus who is called the Christ. Now this is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. When his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found with child through the Holy Spirit. Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man, yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly. Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home. For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins." When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home.
Introductory Prayer: God our Father, you gave us St Joseph as an example of what it means to be faithful to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit in embracing the mission God has for each of our lives. Teach me to imitate St Joseph in his love for God and his silent fidelity to God’s plans.
Petition: Lord, grant me total fidelity to inspirations of the Holy Spirit.
1. Man of Silence. St Joseph teaches us how to embrace silence and how difficult this can be in our noisy world. Silence is good because without some silence in our lives, how can we really expect to come closer to God? There are two types of silence we should aspire to live. First, we need to set aside some silent time every day for God to speak to us, even if it is just five or ten minutes. In doing so, we open up our minds and hearts to the One who speaks to us in silence. Secondly, we need to foster the silence of the heart through which we can speak to God throughout the day in the midst of our ordinary activities. We should let St Joseph be our guide in both.
2. Man of Prayer. St Joseph’s silence allowed him to be a man of deep prayer, a man of a rich interior life. Scripture portrays Joseph’s prayer life though dreams, but we can also imagine how he lived his union with God throughout the day in the midst of his life as a carpenter. Had he not been united to God in his work, he may not have been able to respond with such docility to the messages received from God in his dreams. Are we ready to respond to whatever God asks of us in our lives, in the big things and in the small?
3. Man of Action. The life of St Joseph exemplifies what Christ later taught: “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock” (Matthew 7:24). He is a man of prayer and a man of action. Once he realized that God wanted him to do something, he embraced it immediately. He took Mary to Bethlehem, he took her as his wife, he took her and the child to Egypt -- all prompt responses to God’s will in his life. How do I respond to God’s will for me?
Dialogue with Christ: Lord Jesus, thank you for the example of St Joseph. Help me to be a person of silence, prayer and action so that I can hear God’s word in my life and make it a reality.
Resolution: Lord, I resolve today to set aside ten minutes of silent time so that I can pray well.
This is my ten minutes of silent typing:As usual, Sunday night was spent wondering how my new life in a new environment would turn out. I decided to cast away all my fears, worries and all that heresay. I'm a kind of a person who tends to get affected by what people say. In this sense, I just wished, I was ignorant for ignorance is bliss.Nevertheless, I guess I was made to feel less welcome in my new environment. First, the admin staff there couldn't smile or at least attempt to sound friendly. Again, strict segregation of duties. This does not fall under my area of jurisdiction so it doesn't concern me. Second, attended some talks with the JC1s and I realized these students are indeed different. They are quietly sitting and aborsbing (?) what was being briefed upon. I wonder if they are thinking. Third, during lunch, I was observing the students. Some are too decently dressed with skirts higher than their waist and over their knees while some are just wearing mini skirts. Hmmm.. a mixture of "good" and "bad" students. Fourth, I guess my CT was less forthcoming in giving help. Somehow I have this impression that she will be delighted if there is less help needed. She did not give me the relevant information that I needed and I had to approach her and flood her with many questions. I guess, I have to establish the rapport with her which I think it will be harder compared to Mrs Seah, my previous CT.Fifth, I do not know what came over my friend but when we were having lunch with my HOD in the canteen, she popped the billionaire question "Is there a possibility of the TWO OF US coming back to teach here?" My heart nearly stopped beating and I was like,"That was such a straightforward question to ask, especially on my first day!" And my HOD replied with the news that their dept is full. And the sky hovering my friend was very downcast. Honestly, I think I would feel like her if I had been there for contract teaching and practicum and have a bond in the school. But now, because I am detached in a new environment, I just know that this is one school which I shouldn't be asking if there are any vacancies left.Sixth, because I am doing my practicum with my friend, I find herself thinking of herself and not putting herself in my shoes. Don't get me wrong but the problem here is that, she has this heck-care attitude towards practicum. She doesn't care which grade she gets, which lesson is being observed but I'm totally different. I care about the grade I get. I care about which lesson is being observed. And especially when we share the same supervisor, things might get slightly complicated because right now, I'm fighting for the possibility that my lecture will not be observed by my sup but she is totally ok with it (cos she doesn't really care.) And the best part was, I wanted my own personal laptop and she can say that I can use the one in the compter lab upstairs to my supervisor!!!! Argh....In conclusion, I don't call this a bad start to my practicum round #2. But I can say that it's pretty unsettled. Perhaps I'm making a comparison of AJC & Zhonghua versus NYJC. Perhaps I am letting my personal fears eat all over me. Perhaps I am being too sensitive. Perhaps I have too high expectations of the school. And... I can't go into CJC either. They are full so this means 2 JCs are out. Is this God's will? Is it a sign? That email came really timely. And my friend's question to my HOD was at a really good timing cos that was the question in my head. Somehow, I feel that my purpose in doing well in practicum is waning. Don't get me wrong. I am not bent on getting a distinction but I just want to do my bestest best. Somehow I feel that the drive to do my best is waning and I am scared. Everything is so unsettled and the unsettledness is killing me. The noise is killing me. All these fears, worries, questions are all killing me. They are making me more and more scared. The people I meet, the comments they say, are nothing but unpeacefulness. Silence! Silence is what I need...And if I were to look deeper in my heart, I know I am capable of doing much better. I know that I am intimidated by the challenges but if I am courageous enough, I will be able to withstand them all and to stand up victorious. I am scared. That's the thing that I am feeling. I am not worried about lecturing badly but I am scared that I will screw up. I am scared that there will be comparisons and I hate comparisons. I am scared that I will be posted to a JC which I don't really like. Or if I make my own choice, I am scared that I will regret later. (Although I know what is the Lord's will for me already.)I need to pray more. I need to earnestly seek for the grace of discernment. I need to seek for courage to overcome my fears. I need to pray for guidance that I may establish a better rapport with my CT. I need to pray that I will be silent at the correct times but alert in my sight and hearing.I really pray and hope practicum round #2 will be much better. This is a longer run... 7 weeks. I need more stamina and perseverance to run this race. And of course, prayers. A Child of God blogged @ | 6:35 pm
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
*.* The Servant King, The Perfect Song *.*
I finally found the perfect song for my blog! Introducing "The Servant King"! I think this is a very appropriate song especially when I had just written an entry about servanthood.Honestly, practicum round2 is going to start really soon. I'm having my pre-practicum fears now, especially when I am preparing my admin documents. But when I was listening to the song with the lyrics, it proved to be a great consolation to me. When you are going through fears and crosses, Jesus understands it all cos He bore them all for us. He served us. Now it is time to serve Him by giving Him the best we could. Just as He surrendered to the Holy Will, let us surrender all obstacles, prayers, hopes, dreams up to Him. Let us be thankful for every little thing He has seen us through.Enjoy this song all!The Servant King
From heaven You came, helpless babe
Entered our world, Your glory veiled
Not to be served but to serve
And give Your life that we might live
This is our God, the SERVANT KING;
He calls us now to follow Him
To bring our lives as a daily offering
Of worship to the SERVANT KING.
There in the garden of tears (girls)
My heavy load He chose to bear;
His heart with sorrow was torn,
Yet not my will, but Yours he said.
This is our God, the SERVANT KING;
He calls us now to follow Him
To bring our lives as a daily offering
Of worship to the SERVANT KING.
Come see His hands and his feet, (guys)
The scars that speak of sacrifice
Hands that flung stars into space
To cruel nails surrendered
So let us learn now to serve,
And in our lives enthrone Him
Each other's needs to prefer
For it is Christ we're serving
So let us learn now to serve,
And in our lives enthrone Him
Each other's needs to prefer
For it is Christ we're serving
©1983 Kingsway's Thankyou Music
Words and Music by Graham Kendrick
A Child of God blogged @ | 12:03 am
*.* Having authority and being a servant *.*
Matthew 23:1-12Jesus spoke to the crowds and to his disciples, saying, "The scribes and the Pharisees have taken their seat on the chair of Moses. Therefore, do and observe all things whatsoever they tell you, but do not follow their example. For they preach but they do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens hard to carry and lay them on people´s shoulders, but they will not lift a finger to move them. All their works are performed to be seen. They widen their phylacteries and lengthen their tassels. They love places of honor at banquets, seats of honor in synagogues, greetings in marketplaces, and the salutation ´Rabbi.´ As for you, do not be called ´Rabbi.´ You have but one teacher, and you are all brothers. Call no one on earth your father; you have but one Father in heaven. Do not be called ´Master´; you have but one master, the Christ. The greatest among you must be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled; but whoever humbles himself will be exalted."I went for morning mass today at SVDP with my brother. Since this is the holiday week for me, I decided that I should attend mass as frequently as possible. When school kicks in next week, I will be too busy and tired to rush down for mass.For today's homily, the Father said that he as a priest, has a lot of authority because He is a teacher. And he related that what he is doing is also similar to the school teachers because we teach people. As people of guidance, we wield a lot of authority in our hands. We can make a person or we can crush a person's esteem. We can make someone's day happy or make it gloomly. We can create useful knowledge or knowledge that is not applied usefully in their lives. We can help people become interested to learn or destroy their interest to learn. As teachers, we do possess tremendous power, indeed.I got reminded of the times I relieved the technical and normal academic classes. In my 3 weeks there, I had almost relieved all the technical and normal academic classes from Sec 1 to 4. Particularly, what left me the greatest impression were 2 classes. Class A: This class has students who like to draw. They were very happy when I appreciated their drawings. And they wanted to draw more for me. When I look at them, I wonder if they will put that much effort on thier drawings to their studies? I don't think so. But the bottom of it all, is that they still have something to give. There's another girl whom I do not know her name. But she took to me almost immediately. Such that she was so "friendly" to call me "Miss Adorable". Of course, I didn't allow her to call me "Miss Adorable" but I compromised for "Ms Hazel". No matter what, wherever I go, she would greet me "Ms Adorable" and I would chide her and tell her to call me "Ms Ho" or "Ms Hazel". There was one day when I wanted to give sweets to my sec 2 class and I carried that bag of sweets with me in the morning. When I saw her at the bus stop, I decided to give her some sweets. After all, it was my last 2 days in school and I do not know when I will see her again. And during that school day, when she saw me again, she said "Thank you Ms Ho. Your sweets were very nice." And all that is coming from a technical student.The next scenario comes from a technical class too. This class is the most notorious in the whole school. Almost every teacher is keeping the class under a watchful eye. They are monitored very closely. The thing is, not everyone in the class is bad. Just because of some bad students, the whole class is held responsibile. On the 2nd last day at Zhonghua, I wanted to inform my class about something. They were sitting for their class test after school. Being early, I decided to loiter around the corridor and I entered a technical classroom where I saw a group of girls cleaning up the classroom. The tables were pushed to the sides of the classroom, one on top of the other. The chairs were stacked on top of one another. I asked the girls who helped them to do all these. And they said that they did it themselves as the guys have disappeared. The girls also swept the whole classroom so that they have a clean place to sleep in at night during their camp. I was totally impressed and touched. This is because, even though the whole class had abandoned them, the group of six girls still remained behind to do what they had to do. Who has taught them this responsibility? It must be so hard to do what they have to do especially when 3/4 of the class have disappeared. I talked to one girl and she shared that she cried so hard when she failed her promotional exam (to be promoted up to Normal Academic). My heart went out to her. But she said that she wants to try again. When I asked her why, she said she did not want anyone to look down on her anymore. She hates being in the technical stream. The harsh truth is, it is very hard for a technical student to be promoted up to normal academic unless the student works very hard (or is brilliant). The thing is, the syllabus for technical has been greatly reduced such that it is below the normal academic standard. But, it is not impossible.The technical students are the most oppressed lot. Because at the end of their 4/5 years, they have to come to terms with the fact that they really can't do anything much. Not only that, they have to suffer the stigma of being the naughtiest, cannot study type, etc... The thing is, if we do put aside the black sheep, the white sheep are actually not that bad. And if we were to give chances and the face to the black sheep, you can actually win the black sheep over. Teachers have given these students the whole idea that we think that they are the bad lot. And they have admitted that they enjoy irritating teachers because they feel bored and they want to see the teacher angry. But the idea is, they can be good IF we give them the chance to do so.Being a teacher holds tremendous power but we also have to be servants of authority. We need to respect these underprivileged lot and to relieve them of their burdens that they are feeling. We need to provide opportunites to grow in their self-esteem so that they can feel they are useful and appreciated. We cannot afford to grow so proud and to use the power we have indiscriminately. We cannot afford to do so because every subtle action has many ripple effects. We always have to be continually grateful for the opportunities to meet such students.Today's homily struck me a great deal and made me appreciate the role as a teacher once more. I wonder how my life will be like at NYJC but I am thankful for the wonderful experience I had at Zhonghua. I am seeing things I may not probably see for the longest time ever. I will seek to be a humbler teacher, acknowledging my students' strengths and transforming their weaknesses into strengths.
A Child of God blogged @ | 10:32 pm
*.* end of round 1 *.*
This photo was taken at Sakae Sushi at Heartland Mall. It was basically a farewell lunch for me before I make my way down to NYJC for practicum part II. I had great fun with these colleagues. I think I may not have these colleagues in any JC. We do not have any reservations and we are open towards one another. Most of us have shared our joys, woes, worries, fears. Some have shed tears infront of us. Having not enough space, about 4 of us were given the table at staff lounge. This is the area where we eat, talk, crack jokes and ventilate about the horrible classes we relieved or went into. Every morning, we would be waiting for our imperial edict and excitedly compare which class are we allocated to for relief. And we always say with such resignation ,"Good luck to those who have 2T1." No matter what, we will always share notes on how to handle any particular relief classes.I will never forget those who are going to buy their breakfast/ lunch and will be so willing to ask "Who wants anything?" And all orders for teh-o, teh-si, kopi-o, kopi, kopi-si or fruits will come in. Also, the group of us will always check with one another whether our teaching ideas are feasible or not. We will share lame jokes such as "Which fruit comes in pairs?" or share important information like which school we should not go. Or yes, gossip about the school. HAHAHAHA...Honestly, I don't think I will get this kind of colleagues in any JC. At least colleagues who are open to sharing (resources), and communicating freely. Kudos to Kee Lay, Shufen, U-shan, Kah Bee, Zhang Yan and Stella! All the best for the remaining part of your practicum!Now, let me talk about teaching... As you can probably guess, I didn't have time to update at all because I was busy rushing out my lesson plans and preparing for teaching. To put it all in short, I had overcome obstacles of having to settle the demands of the school, my anxieties about whether the students are competent in this or that, about using any pedagogical strategies, and about sequencing my Maths lessons.I had been busy writing and re-writing my lesson plans as I was trying very hard to use some strategies that can wow my students and supervisor/ CT. But sadly, given the 2 boring topics I have, I can't do anything wowing. It was plain teacher talk. But for the first time, I employed Questioning techniques and challenging my students to think. Those 2 strategies basically summed up my strategies for that major observation.My greatest hi-light in teaching a new topic to my kids was to show them a powerpoint slide show on the real-life applications of Linear Inequalities. I had spent about 5 hours taking photos, compiling them on a slide show and incorporating music into the slide show. And when I showed it to the class, the class gave a unanimous applause! And nope, I didn't intiate them to do so. And when that happened, I experienced the greatest pride and satisfaction of being a Mathematics teacher. At that time, I felt I was truly a competent Maths teacher.And then came Tuesday. After all the slogging, this is THE moment. I was going to be observed by my supervisor and CT. Killing 2 observations at one go. It is a super crucial moment and I cannot afford to screw them up. I was freaking out on Monday evening as my CT wanted to add on to my lesson plan but I had to tell her that my lesson is already quite tight. That made me anxious because I was wondering whether my CT was thinking that my lesson plan is too relaxed. Nevertheless, I still continued on with my old lesson plan.And on that day, I thought I would freak out in anxiety but I didn't. Perhaps I was praying so much that I forgot my anxiety. But it was greatly evident as I started to teach my class. There wasn't any break in tone, a change in emotions, the stammering or thinking of what to say next. The moment I held my marker, I begun to teach. Confidently and without any anxiety at all. All these would not have been possible without God and the prayers of my loved ones. The hi-light of that lesson was when I split the board up into 4 parts and taught 4 different concepts and eventually, I challenged my students by asking them what am I trying to say by comparing the 4 concepts. That made them think hard. =) And to my supervisor, I made good use of the board. =))I'm so proud of myself because I only came up with that in the afternoon.In conclusion, all of you know how much phobia I have in teaching Maths. That was why micro-teaching in February was so important to me. I needed to secure that stage before I could move on to the classrooms. And true enough, I had gained some confidence in teaching Secondary Maths. I do not think I have any phobia of teaching Maths anymore. Second, no matter how hard the obstacles are, we have to press on. Even when we are at the verge of letting go, we cannot. We have to move on, bravely.Third, never ever look down on a kid's ability. In my reliefing of normal academic and technical classes, these students have developed a fatalistic attitude. That have succumbed to the notion that they can't go anywhere. Some of these kids actually have a heart of gold. I will never forget the students of 3T1 where they shared with me their famous portriat.
Fourth, kids respond to incentives and thus, will be motivated to learn.Fifth, learning has to be made enjoyable. School already sucks. Teaching has to be made interesting so that the students will enjoy learning. Sixth, it's good to reach school early to prepare some work beforehard. I like reaching school at 7am. Seventh, teachers need to rest. Don't overwork. We need to work efficiently and smart. Have at least six hours of sleep everyday and try to work fast in school.Eighth, I'm very sleepy now. To conclude this whole post, I enjoyed my stay at Zhonghua. I have been blessed with a good class that gave me very little problems, a good co-operating teacher, and a good maths prof at NIE. I wouldn't have pulled through this practicum without her guidance at all. Thank you Mrs Seah, 2E7 and Dr Yap! God Bless You!
A Child of God blogged @ | 12:17 am
