Saturday, October 29, 2005
*.* Free (at last) *.*
I am free! From all assignments, except for one more Maths test in 1.5 weeks time!This week has been a very siong one. The schedule was as follows:Sunday-Monday--> Maths lesson plan (slept at 7am on Monday)Monday night - Tuesday morn at 4am --> Do ed psych classroom mgt essayTuesday night to Wed morn --> Complete econs webquest. Stayed over at fren's place to do it. Slept at 3am. Woke up late for tuition. So had to miss it.Wed night to Thurs morn at 3am --> Prepare for ed psych indiv differences presentation. To my horror, I woke up at 8 am and my class begins at 830! Rush again (in cab)Thurs night to Fri morn at 3am --> ICT Reflection essaySo I am finally free! Time to catch up on my sleep and leisure. And time to focus all my energy on my tuition kids.Anyway, I changed the song on my blog to 'Free' by Corrinne May. Thanks to Alycia, Juliet, Leslie, Meixia and Shawn for this CD for my birthday!Here are the lyrics to this song... ponder on it!F R E EWritten by Corrinne May Ying FooCopyright 2004, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)I see the morning gloryIt winds upon the treeIt tells the untold story of how things were meant to beYou saw the universeCaught up in desperate dreamsYou came and changed the endingChanged it to save my fateYou led the revolutionYou left your legacyEmbraced the struggle in the face of mortalityI know I'm not alone in thisHelp me believeI can be freeI can be free from this placeBeautiful healerBeautiful graceHelp me to seeEverything fall into placeWake me from dreaming No more deceivingBreak these chainsIt's still the same old storyThis great divideBetween the want and wasteAnd all the hunger insideI heard the news todayNow I'm trying to find my placeI'm just a single voiceWhat can I do to eraseAll this misunderstandingAll this anarchySix degrees of separationSometimes it's so hard to seeThat we are not alone in thisI need to believeI can be free
I can be free from this place
Beautiful healer
Beautiful grace
Help me to see
Everything fall into place
Wake me from dreaming
No more deceiving
Break these chains
A Child of God blogged @ | 12:09 am
Thursday, October 20, 2005
*.* Victorious *.*
Amazingly, I have conquered this week! It has been a stressful week for my peers and myself... so stressful that emotions run high and there's so much tension. I had the greatest honour of being a mediator for one brewing cat fight...Enough said... still got one more week to press on...here are my remaining deadlines...24th October - Maths lesson plan by 4pm
25th October - Classroom mgt individual
25th October - Comm skills Oral Presentation26th October - Econs Assgt 3 webquest27th October - Individual differences assgt 228th October - ICT PBL project
28th October - ICT PBL project reflections
28th October - Econs teaching module reflections7th November - Maths TestI can do it! Jia you, Hazel!To end off, here's a quote which I find it rather appropriate...“What does not kill me makes me stronger.” --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832) See ya in 8 days time!
A Child of God blogged @ | 11:16 pm
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
*.* Stoned and stop *.*
Can't take it anymore already...Too many assignments to do, not enough rest.My engine can't go on already. During meals, I am stoning. Too tired to talk or to crap.Wake up late in the mornings. First thing I do is to reach out for my handphone and sms,"Eh... still at home? Take cab together?" And my friend would reply,"yah, woke up late. sms me when u leave the house."Cab fare split between two would be $10 each. Every time we hitch a cab, we would pray there's no jam on PIE.So many reflections to do. Was telling my friend, by the time this semester ends, we would gain enlightenment.So many deadlines till we lost count. We dun even dare to look at next week's deadline.It's scary that so many people are moving faster than you are and you are still moving at a snail's pace. And yet, cos you are so tired, you can't speed up.Miss the NUS library. Somehow, I will manage to borrow the books I want but cos' there are like 3 books for all 1000+ students, I can never get the books I want. So then, I rely on the net for some untrustworthy (I feel) stuff. But I can't care much cos got no time.Stupid presentations... What for have 5 mins presentations when it is not graded? Stupid... Lesson plans... got so many to write. You want to do it good but not enough time. You have so many ideas but can't decide which one to choose.Stupid friends asking you which jc you wanna go. Stupid classification and politiking.Copy cats... monkey see, monkey do.Food... you get so sian of food that you dunno what to eat. And you need energy to "run" for the entire day.GESL... what is service learning when it is "forced"?I still have 1 darned reflection to write. Too tired and stoned. Been sitting infront of the computer, trying to escape from the fact that I need to do that reflection.But I just gotta do it. Clear it. Get it over and done with...Wonder how long more I need to finish this reflection.And I got a 830 am class tomolo... Groan... looks like it's cab time.Just gotta continue it... It's not about the grades; not about the people; but myself and God. He will give me the strength to continue on. He will give me the serenity when people around me are in thier own madness. It's my own race. I wanna run it well. I will not give up. Not now. When I have given so much. Look at Him, not at anyone else. Place God in the centre and He will make all paths straight. Dun cave in to pressure and stress but cave in to His providence. People can move faster than me but God is moving with me. Don't be scared; don't be stressed. Press on and give it your best shot. I can handle all the commitments - tuition, school, family. Can do it. Running along with my students as well. Can't stop now. Not now, Hazel...okies... back to work...Can't wait for my birthday!
A Child of God blogged @ | 10:42 pm
*.* My Birthday Week *.*
It's my birthday week! Yippeee! *jumps for joy!*I reallie hope I will have a smooth flowing birthday week. I seem to be in control of my NIE assignments although I know a TSUNAMI of stuff is coming in. But I am kinda relaxed now and I truly thank God for it.So exicting... Gonna pig out this weekend. *yummy*Anyway, my wishlist for birthday presents:1. The latest Corrine May CD2. The latest Hillsong CD3. Crucifix + necklace (mum getting)4. A treat at Jerry's5. Ang pow donation to my O2 handphone purchase in December6. A big big piggy bank from Hallmark7. Someone to finish my NIE assignments and score As' for me!8. Something precious moments would do as well...I will having a family dinner on Friday night, a friend's gathering on Sat evening and another family dinner on Sunday evening. It's pig out time!
A Child of God blogged @ | 11:43 pm
*.* Worried sick but can't do anything about it *.*
I am super darn worried about my 4 students. It's 4 weeks to their Big As' and they are struggling with many things, on top of their studies.Student 1 - To repeat or not to repeat JC2? (In his heart, he wants to repeat but parents don't allow.) He doesn't believe that he can pass his As' even though he is from the top 5 JCs.Student 2 - Smart, witty, got a good grasp of foundation but losing focus to SCORE. Lost the steam to try and to be driven. Student 3 - Also smart, also witty, got foundation but not focused. Lacking motivation and strict discipline. Student 4 - Less smart but still smart. Got the wit. Weak foundation. Not focused. Lacking motivation and strict discipline. And guess what? I STILL seriously believe all of them can do better (and even get to the Uni) if they set their darn mind onto the Big As. Why can't they set their dreams onto it? Why are they giving up already?And today's tuition with 2 students was a BIG disaster and my steam to help them was lost... totally discouraged and SIGH... Shant go on but I saw this from a teacher's blog which I think it is oh-so-true.I hope and I pray that I have the stamina, strength and the belief to still go on...Close Encounters of the Real KindIn the last few weeks, it's become clear to me that being 18 is no fun. There's so much to contend with. Studying for exams, taking exams, the harrowing wait for the results of the exams to be released, realising the results really suck, taking more exams in preparation and in the hope that the real one won't be so bad and so on and so forth. It's never ending really.Add to that, the emotional problems of being 18. The different camps of people, the cliques, the politics of the cliques. Raise it a notch, add in boys or girls, into the fold. Being infatuated, perhaps even to the point of being delusional, hoping for what cannot actually be, clinging, wanting a relationship because you think it's the only way out of the lonely shit hole you think you're in. Discovering that that in itself, brings with it more problems, more insecurities. Worrying about it, obsessing about it. Googling people to try to find out just a little bit more about the parties invovled. The misguided belief that information gives you power. And not realising that obsessing, worrying, searching, deconstructing, pseudo-psycho analysing, all take time. Time at this point that none have.Perhaps that's why my parents were adamant about the fact that I shouldn't date when I was that age. It was detrimental for me too, but I'm thankful I didn't throw out my whole academic career that some of these kids might end up doing. I remember discovering that the boy I was seeing, was physically involved with someone else. I remember discovering this in the midst of a very important series of exams. I remember obsessing about it, trying to find out who she was, why she was doing what she was doing, why she seemed more attractive than I was, why he liked her more than he liked me (although I think that was actually quite clear to me). And all this, I did , before the advent of the Internet, Google and Technorati. The amount of time I spent, the ups and the downs, not funny. The subsistence on an apple a day, very not funny- skeleton with skin would have been an apt descritpion. Anyway, it took time that I should have used, to study, to make sure that I did well. I didn't realise I wasn't doing that. I think I was far too caught up in it to realise how adverse the effects were on me.Till much later anyway and then I asked myself, what in the world was I thinking? Thank goodness, the damage was minimal. The results were still passable and respectable and no one thought much of it. But I knew. I knew, inside me, how much better it could have been. And how silly I'd been.Now, that's what I see going around me. And I am powerless to stop it. They choose their own paths of self-destruction and it gathers speed and momentum and they fall further, farther and deeper into the abyss. What to do? Hope they learn from it? What if this costs them more than they can afford? How do you help them?At the same time, I'm desperately trying to teach the same kids about the Singapore government and the meaning of patriachy. How in Singapore, we are treated like young children. Not being capable of thinking for ourselves, of being told how to think and what is the right way to think about things. I'm trying to impress upon them that it's very much like how parents try to prevent us from making mistakes because they know better and even if it really is out of the goodness of their heart, sometimes, it's just something we have to learn for ourselves and they have to take a step back and let us figure it out for ourselves. Perhaps more is at stake when it comes to a society, but the main point is to trust that people make the right decisions and learn from it. Problem is there are too many people who just don't think and we need to stop them from being destructive. So, it's a chicken and egg dilemma.So, here, I can tell them what to do and insist that they do it by the authority invested in me by the Ministry of Education (hahaha). But they probably won't listen and resent me for it. I can also give them carte blanche to do what they want, hope they realise what they're doing and perhaps wake up their ideas a bit. And if they don't, hope they pick themselves up and make the best of what they have? Hope they get a second chance later on?Lives are so easy to screw up and there's so damn little anyone can do about it. And the sucky thing about it is, damned if you do and damned if you don't.
A Child of God blogged @ | 11:36 pm
Saturday, October 08, 2005
*.* Some memories of my teaching days in AJC II *.*
The was the arts class I taught after 1st 3 months... 38/05. A bunch of mischeivous but sweet kids. I was particularly drawn towards this guy... the 2nd buy from the RHS. Cute right? I like his dao look. Anyway, he is a retainee and I enjoy challenging himn to do well.
Back to 1st 3 months again...The two Ms Hos' together. This girl is in RJC now.
My 25/05 kids. I find the the last girl on the LHS rather pretty. And she's smart too! I admire the way she continues to strive for the best. The RGS girl went on to poly even though she scored 9 points. My usual meals with my kids.
The pinafore girls. Only 1 IJ toa payoh girl in my 17/05 class. She went on to NJC.
Heh heh... this one MUST show! The boy on the extreme LHS is soooooooooooooo cute! 25/05 knows that I find him cute and always tease me about him. I also admire his qualities to strive hard. Enjoy his stimulating questions too! And Barry, the other guy, is a catholic. Playing the orgain at SVDP. He is so many leadership qualities.
Yeaps... that's all to my school photos... sure miss school life. My heart goes out to them as they run the race towards promos. Hope they all get promoted! God bless these kids!
A Child of God blogged @ | 6:21 pm
*.* Some memories of my teaching days in AJC *.*
Suddenly, I feel a sudden reminiscence about my teaching days in AJC. Perhaps because I was reading my students' blogs about their promos and suddenly, I wished I was there for them, guiding them through the papers, encrouaging the weaker ones not to give up and the stronger ones to push on, and the mediocore ones to climb higher. I wanted so much to post encouraging notes on their tagboard, but I can't. How I wish that I am teaching now.
I think going through NIE is beneficial. After all, we have one of the most renowned teaching practices in the world and I know I will teach better when I go to a school next year. But life in NIE is way too hectic to make strong friendships or to even absorb what you have learnt. We just whizz past a lot of things and learn a few jargons here and there like pedagogy (teaching methods), hot potatoes, webquest, online discussions (all online learning), PBL, think-pair-share, gallery walk (all student centred approaches). I mean... hmmm.. learning how to spit out these jargons and learning completely how they work are completely two different matters.
Anyway, before I hit on my next hmmm.. (another jargon) educational psychology assignment, here are some photos of my kids. Miss them so much!
My arts class in 1st 3 mths... 36/05.
My home class in 1st 3 months, 17/05. A bunch of intelligent but arrogant kids.
My fav class! 25/05 who is super intelligent and asks witty questions. And they have very nice looking people too! Spot the pair of twins!
A Child of God blogged @ | 1:12 am
Saturday, October 01, 2005
*.* Some memories of RCIY *.*
A Child of God blogged @ | 1:15 am
*.* A Week Blog *.*
September is gone. Gone with the website design. Stayed up till 4am to finish it. Gone with the Confirmation gifts. Thank God for my mum... she helped me a great deal.Gone with a relatively good Maths presentation. Felt good that I didn't screw up my presentation for once.Gone with a Communication skills test. Think it was a duh paper.And so is the end of RCIY Confirmation.October is here.To welcome October, my NIE friends and myself had a great pig out today. I needed company to buy my sister's birthday gift and so, my friends, Huimin and Charissa followed me. But before the mad craze for my sister's gift started, Huimin, the usual food yuppie, suggested eating good food. So she drove us to Zion road to eat good wantan mee and rojak. After that, we went shopping at Great World City. I found something for my sister but her size is only available in Orchard. So, 3 of us drove down to Orchard where we finally got the gift. Tired from all the rush, we went up to Lido there, where we sat down, gulped cold drinks and ate 3 packets of Macs fries. And of course, good bonding and great talk time. Wah so shiok... never had such a great relaxing time eversince NIE started. Ever since school started, it's always about meeting deadlines.So what a better way than to end this week blog with my October deadlines. The deadlines below are not final i.e there are more to add on.5th October - Econs micro teaching6th October - Maths Algebra test7th October - Econs micro teaching reflections11th October - Preliminary Classroom mgt deadline (set by group)13th October - Individual differences assgt 114th October - ICT reflection on online discussion (AND MY BIRTHDAY!)18th October - Actual classroom management presentation19th October - Econs teaching module24th October - Maths lesson plan by 4pm25th October - Classroom mgt reflections write up26th October - Econs Assgt 3 webquest27th October - Individual differences assgt 228th October - ICT PBL project28th October - Econs teaching module reflectionsAnd on top of this, help my lovable kids prepare for their big As'!What an exciting October! Lord, grant me strength to go through all these.For now.... today is the day to celebrate my sister's birthday!!
A Child of God blogged @ | 12:57 am
Back to 1st 3 months again...The two Ms Hos' together. This girl is in RJC now. 
My 25/05 kids. I find the the last girl on the LHS rather pretty. And she's smart too! I admire the way she continues to strive for the best. The RGS girl went on to poly even though she scored 9 points. My usual meals with my kids. 
The pinafore girls. Only 1 IJ toa payoh girl in my 17/05 class. She went on to NJC.
Heh heh... this one MUST show! The boy on the extreme LHS is soooooooooooooo cute! 25/05 knows that I find him cute and always tease me about him. I also admire his qualities to strive hard. Enjoy his stimulating questions too! And Barry, the other guy, is a catholic. Playing the orgain at SVDP. He is so many leadership qualities. 
My arts class in 1st 3 mths... 36/05.
My home class in 1st 3 months, 17/05. A bunch of intelligent but arrogant kids.
My fav class! 25/05 who is super intelligent and asks witty questions. And they have very nice looking people too! Spot the pair of twins!
