*.* A very lazy day indeed *.*
After practicum, the days ahead were spent shuttling to and fro school. After school, I would usually do some window shopping before heading home.Over the weekend, I went over to Genting for a short trip. I had a good time over there. The weather was good. It wasn't hot. It was cold and misty. On the whole, it was a very relaxing trip. I didn't think of work or anything else. It was as if, I was fully concentrating on enjoying myself during the trip.So today, I have no school, no plans to go out, nothing in my schedule. So in other words, it was a perfect day to just plain laze around the house. Lazing around the house was something that I had not done for a loong looong time. So I should be appreciative of this good break right?But well, no. I was bored. I felt bored. And I am still feeling bored. I have so many things to do such as cleaning up my room, preparing for my teaching in July, gathering Econs resources, clearing the mess on my table, etc. But I didn't do anything. And I am feeling bored. And I was so bored that I am wondering why am I feeling bored.Aha! it's because I have no direction in my life. Nope, to put it correctly, no direction at this point in my life. I'm having a lull period now. No more practicum stress. No more NIE stress. Just the stress of finding something to do. And I realized how I am so used to having a direction or rather something purposeful to do that I fidget at the thought of just simply having nothing to do!This is bad... I don't know how to relax. I must have something purposeful to do. And cleaning up my room does not seem purposeful enough. To be purposeful, it must directly impact on someone else, not on myself alone. Otherwise, why am I procrastinating on cleaning up my room, or doing my research on Economics? Argh...And I realized that when I am bored, my mind starts to wonder on frivolous and nonsensical things. For example, will I get a good seat in the NYJC staffroom? Will the culture change when I return in Term 3? What shall I do tomorrow? Argh... I still owe my NIE lecturer something, when shall I start doing it? I hate this kind of feeling cos it makes me feel useless. This is not supposed to be this way. Cos I am supposed to enjoy my time doing nothing and watching tv. But I feel so useless just watching tv.This is bad. I need to learn how to appreciate free days. Hmmm... I just need to go out tomorrow.....
A Child of God blogged @ | 11:04 pm
