Birthday: 14th October Occupation: Cultivator; Moulder; Nurturer Currently I am inspired: To renovate my blog
To start on my next phase of new life in 2007
I never knew that this walk would be that difficult.
Ever since I got informed that I am put up for distinction, I was told to get ready for the moderator may come at any time.
And so for the next 3 days, I wore my best office clothes, preparing myself mentally that this tutorial could be THE one.
It came to an ultimatum last Friday when the moderator came, but not for me. It was for my friend who needed a moderator to pass practicum. When that came about, i was exhausted. I decided to let go of my tutorial preparation and just let loose a little bit.
Unfortunately, because the class just came out of a shitty econs test, they didn't have the mood for econs tutorial. I was not connected to them and they were not engaged in learning. It was basically the louiest class I ever had.
I was very demoralized. I was helpless and desperate. Thank God that He didn't answer my prayer for the moderator to come in today. Otherwise, I can forget about showing the moderator what I have to show her.
But now, I am worried. Cos she's coming in next week and I am going to explain some difficult concepts to my class.
I always blame myself for being such a risk taker. For coming up with such "innovative" ideas and making myself go through a roller coaster ride of fear, anxiety and stress. I have put my class through a LDMR experiment (which failed ) and now they have to draw the cost curves of AC, AVC and AFC and MC. And I am scared that they won't be able to do it.
If they won't be able to do it, means it is a no show for the moderator. When this happens, I will be stuck. I'm scared that this will happen.
But the show must still go on. I mean in real life, we cannot possibly ensure that all classes will be so smart to do every question in the tutorial. The teacher has to cope with that. A competent teacher has to deal with the students' learning difficulties.
My CT told me that doing cost curves tutorial will be committing suicide. But another experienced teacher said it would be good to show them and they will learn something. And he siad he was confident I would be able to explain well. My friend told me if she were me, she would do the cost curves tutorial instead of repeating the LDMR activity.
Yesterday during mass, God affirmed me to go with cost curves tutorial. But He also told me to make room in my heart to let the joys of His ressurection take place. I tend to let my fear overwhelm me. But during this Easter season, Christ has triumphed over evil and darkness. Why should I let them triumph over me? I need to make room for the Ressurected Christ. I need to take courage and ask Him to be my driver. He also told me to be obedient. I dunno what that means but if it means to be obedient to make room for the Ressurected Christ, I will try.
At Novena yesterday, I was just recollecting that I decided to dedicated the last supervisor's observation to my supervisor because of her compliment. It was at that point in time that I decided to dedicate this distinction observation to my dad. He has all along wanted me to go into teaching. And if he is here right now, he would be happy that I am going for this higher award. I want to do my best for Papa. I will not shudder in fear. I will cast my fear aside and give my best for Papa.
I shall continue my walk now. Hope to wrap up my explanation for all the cost curves before I head for an Easter party with my NYJC colleagues.
