Matthew 1:16,18-21,24a
Jacob was the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary. Of her was born Jesus who is called the Christ. Now this is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. When his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found with child through the Holy Spirit. Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man, yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly. Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home. For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins." When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home.

Introductory Prayer: God our Father, you gave us St Joseph as an example of what it means to be faithful to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit in embracing the mission God has for each of our lives. Teach me to imitate St Joseph in his love for God and his silent fidelity to God’s plans.

Petition: Lord, grant me total fidelity to inspirations of the Holy Spirit.

1. Man of Silence. St Joseph teaches us how to embrace silence and how difficult this can be in our noisy world. Silence is good because without some silence in our lives, how can we really expect to come closer to God? There are two types of silence we should aspire to live. First, we need to set aside some silent time every day for God to speak to us, even if it is just five or ten minutes. In doing so, we open up our minds and hearts to the One who speaks to us in silence. Secondly, we need to foster the silence of the heart through which we can speak to God throughout the day in the midst of our ordinary activities. We should let St Joseph be our guide in both.

2. Man of Prayer. St Joseph’s silence allowed him to be a man of deep prayer, a man of a rich interior life. Scripture portrays Joseph’s prayer life though dreams, but we can also imagine how he lived his union with God throughout the day in the midst of his life as a carpenter. Had he not been united to God in his work, he may not have been able to respond with such docility to the messages received from God in his dreams. Are we ready to respond to whatever God asks of us in our lives, in the big things and in the small?

3. Man of Action. The life of St Joseph exemplifies what Christ later taught: “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock” (Matthew 7:24). He is a man of prayer and a man of action. Once he realized that God wanted him to do something, he embraced it immediately. He took Mary to Bethlehem, he took her as his wife, he took her and the child to Egypt -- all prompt responses to God’s will in his life. How do I respond to God’s will for me?

Dialogue with Christ: Lord Jesus, thank you for the example of St Joseph. Help me to be a person of silence, prayer and action so that I can hear God’s word in my life and make it a reality.

Resolution: Lord, I resolve today to set aside ten minutes of silent time so that I can pray well.

This is my ten minutes of silent typing:

As usual, Sunday night was spent wondering how my new life in a new environment would turn out. I decided to cast away all my fears, worries and all that heresay. I'm a kind of a person who tends to get affected by what people say. In this sense, I just wished, I was ignorant for ignorance is bliss.

Nevertheless, I guess I was made to feel less welcome in my new environment. First, the admin staff there couldn't smile or at least attempt to sound friendly. Again, strict segregation of duties. This does not fall under my area of jurisdiction so it doesn't concern me.

Second, attended some talks with the JC1s and I realized these students are indeed different. They are quietly sitting and aborsbing (?) what was being briefed upon. I wonder if they are thinking.

Third, during lunch, I was observing the students. Some are too decently dressed with skirts higher than their waist and over their knees while some are just wearing mini skirts. Hmmm.. a mixture of "good" and "bad" students.

Fourth, I guess my CT was less forthcoming in giving help. Somehow I have this impression that she will be delighted if there is less help needed. She did not give me the relevant information that I needed and I had to approach her and flood her with many questions. I guess, I have to establish the rapport with her which I think it will be harder compared to Mrs Seah, my previous CT.

Fifth, I do not know what came over my friend but when we were having lunch with my HOD in the canteen, she popped the billionaire question "Is there a possibility of the TWO OF US coming back to teach here?" My heart nearly stopped beating and I was like,"That was such a straightforward question to ask, especially on my first day!" And my HOD replied with the news that their dept is full. And the sky hovering my friend was very downcast. Honestly, I think I would feel like her if I had been there for contract teaching and practicum and have a bond in the school. But now, because I am detached in a new environment, I just know that this is one school which I shouldn't be asking if there are any vacancies left.

Sixth, because I am doing my practicum with my friend, I find herself thinking of herself and not putting herself in my shoes. Don't get me wrong but the problem here is that, she has this heck-care attitude towards practicum. She doesn't care which grade she gets, which lesson is being observed but I'm totally different. I care about the grade I get. I care about which lesson is being observed. And especially when we share the same supervisor, things might get slightly complicated because right now, I'm fighting for the possibility that my lecture will not be observed by my sup but she is totally ok with it (cos she doesn't really care.) And the best part was, I wanted my own personal laptop and she can say that I can use the one in the compter lab upstairs to my supervisor!!!! Argh....

In conclusion, I don't call this a bad start to my practicum round #2. But I can say that it's pretty unsettled. Perhaps I'm making a comparison of AJC & Zhonghua versus NYJC. Perhaps I am letting my personal fears eat all over me. Perhaps I am being too sensitive. Perhaps I have too high expectations of the school.

And... I can't go into CJC either. They are full so this means 2 JCs are out. Is this God's will? Is it a sign? That email came really timely. And my friend's question to my HOD was at a really good timing cos that was the question in my head.

Somehow, I feel that my purpose in doing well in practicum is waning. Don't get me wrong. I am not bent on getting a distinction but I just want to do my bestest best. Somehow I feel that the drive to do my best is waning and I am scared. Everything is so unsettled and the unsettledness is killing me.

The noise is killing me. All these fears, worries, questions are all killing me. They are making me more and more scared. The people I meet, the comments they say, are nothing but unpeacefulness.

Silence! Silence is what I need...

And if I were to look deeper in my heart, I know I am capable of doing much better. I know that I am intimidated by the challenges but if I am courageous enough, I will be able to withstand them all and to stand up victorious. I am scared. That's the thing that I am feeling.

I am not worried about lecturing badly but I am scared that I will screw up. I am scared that there will be comparisons and I hate comparisons.

I am scared that I will be posted to a JC which I don't really like. Or if I make my own choice, I am scared that I will regret later. (Although I know what is the Lord's will for me already.)

I need to pray more. I need to earnestly seek for the grace of discernment. I need to seek for courage to overcome my fears. I need to pray for guidance that I may establish a better rapport with my CT. I need to pray that I will be silent at the correct times but alert in my sight and hearing.

I really pray and hope practicum round #2 will be much better. This is a longer run... 7 weeks. I need more stamina and perseverance to run this race. And of course, prayers.