*.* God's graces and blessings *.*
I have never felt so blessed in my entire life. Seriously, I always faced the hard and harsh road whenever I embark on something. When I wanted to go into VJC, I only did well enough to go to CJC. In the university, scoring Bs seemed so hard compared to my friends who could easily do so well. I took the hardest combination of Political Science and Economics and I mugged like siao for the exams. In the working world, I had a shit start at ACNielsen. And a not so shit but also not so good continuation at Idealog.And suddenly, when I am in teaching, the road seems so straight, peaceful and happy. I never felt so fulfiled before in teaching. I never felt so rewarded before. Never at all. Suddenly, things seem so blessed. And they are coming in abundance. I have good students. Students who love and respect me. Students who talk to me as if I'm their friend. Students who are willing to do things for me. A CT who cares for me in a very different way. A CT whom I'm able to joke with and talk to. A CT who is so clever to strategise. A CT whom I can share God with even though she's a Christian.And a supervisor who is renowned for her nit-pickyness and her preciseness. But somehow, I am in her good books. I really wonder why is everything so smooth?I feel blessed indeed. So blessed that I feel so unworthy. I keep on telling God that He has been so generous that He's making me feel so unworthy. I didn't want expect so many good things. I just want to do my best. I just want my kids to enjoy learning. That's it.And yet, He has been good to me so far.I have officially graduated from NIE. Cos I have passed my practicum. And by the grace of God, with flying colours. I am happy that my supervisor and CT are totally satisfied with my performance. But the last lap might be extended when my supervisor and CT meet up for a final meeting to conclude my overall grading. It's scary to realize that they have so high expectations of me. But I want to go for the higher challenges. One part of me hopes and prays that I will be given an opportunity to go for the higher grading but the other part of me is scared with the much higher expectations that come along with it.I have been telling God that the reason why I want to go for the higher grading is not because I want to feel proud having it. But it's precisely because I have so many missed opportunities in my past years that this is a golden opportunity for me to grab. It doesn't matter if I make the cut as long as I have the opportunity to prove my worth. I have missed so many opportunities last time that I don't want to let go of this opportunity this time round.I'll be praying for a fruitful outcome when my supervisor and CT meet up tomorrow. I just hope to be given an opportunity. As long as I have that opportunity, the final outcome does not really matter to me.
A Child of God blogged @ | 9:12 pm
