*.* The Pre and Post of Practicum *.*
Phew! It's almost 2 weeks since my last update. Practicum ended last Friday, 5th May 2006. Here are the updates from my last worried post. I did the cost curves tutorial and I maanged to explain everything so clearly to my students. Everything was fine except that my CT commented that the tutorial was far too boring for the moderator to be so interested in it. So she recommended me to change the tutorial into a LDMR activity. Because I had only less than 24 hours to prepare for my tutorial on Wednesday, I stayed back late in school on Tuesday to complete my preparation for the following day's tutorial. In other words, Wednesday could be the day where the moderator is popping by for the final observation.So there I was, staying back on a Tuesday night. And I felt so sore about it. I was tired. Emotionally tired because I was sick of waiting for the moderator to come. Physically tired because it was so late and I just wanted to go home. To sum it up, I was sick of mentally preparing myself and my classes for the moderator's visit. I was getting demoralized because every lesson seemed so bad. I was wondering whether it was worth it to prepare so much. I couldn't squeeze that energy out of myself to give this last observation my best shot. But on Tuesday evening, as I met up with my 3 students to tell them their job tasks, we continued to have a casual chat. And one of these 3 students wrote me an email when she got home. The email she wrote was simple and short but it touched me so much till I cried. It immediately gave me the morale booster to give my best for the last few lessons and for the observation, whenever it could be.Tuesday went by. Wednesday comes in. And yes, at 10 am, I got informed by my CT that the moderator is coming. For any observee, the first reaction would be fear, anxiety and "What?!". But for me, my first reaction was, "WOO HOO! Yayy!!" I shouted outloud in the staffroom so excitedly that my CT was so shocked at my expression. I guess it was because I had waited SOOOOOOOOOO long for the moderator to come that I simply wanted her to come. I was not totally prepared during that time but I just wanted her to come. So with just about an hour to prepare, I went around telling everyone to pray for me and I went about preparing myself what to say, to do and also the mental and emotional state of mind.I was very nervous when I saw the moderator. She looks stern but yet friendly. She has very high expectations from me. I got nervous. Got scared. Thank God that I had the chance to go up to the classroom by myself first. So as I wrote on the whiteboard before I started the class going, I prayed to God, Jesus, saints and angels and to my dad to guide me during this hour. And so everything just went. I spoke with confidence (in actual fact, I was so dead nervous!). My classroom took on a factory setting, producing greeting cards. I was co-ordinating 3 groups of 8 students who were production workers. Everything - The coordination, the instructions, the production process all fell so neatly in place. I felt as it I was the magician and I could transform these students into robots who were heeding my instructions to the T. I also had fun, teasing my students. This was surprising to me, especially when I was being observed by a stranger for the first time. I had so much great fun and I knew the moderator was impressed and amused by the fun.The only thing I didn't manage well for the rounding up. I felt I could round up the activity further by going more in-depth to the concepts. I was constrained by time and didn't go too much into the depth. Also, I was so nervous that I screwed up on my grammar. Hah... On the whole, during the post observation conference, the moderator pointed out the content stuff that I could do which I felt was valid. But she was happy with the way I managed to manage the entire classroom. She was impressed with the way I handled the group activity, with clear instructions and good preparation. And yes, my students enjoyed the activity and they were engaged. Finally, the long awaited observation was over. Looking back at all the tutorials I had while waiting for the moderator to come, I have to say that God is good. God is good to make sure the moderator came on that Wednesday because my lessons were screwed up and the cost curves tutorial was not that interesting. At least I exhausted all my ideas before I could settle on THE final idea that will take me through THE observation. I did my best already. And I left it up to God's hands. On that evening, I went for mass to give my thanksgiving and to entrust the final grading in His hands. I was also talking to my dad. And I could feel his presence. I know papa was happy that I tried for the distinction grading. It was very scary to me and there were many times I felt I couldn't go for the distinction award. I felt that I was not capable fo doing it. I lacked the confidence and was scared. But I plucked up my courage to go through that arduous lesson. And I knew that papa was happy that at least I tried. Thank you papa for being with me and supporting me. Followed on that Wednesday, I prepared for my lecture. Yes, I stupidly volunteered for a lecture previously and so I deprived myself of that break which my other classmates were already enjoying. So Wednesday night and Thursday night, I was preparing for THE lecture. It was not an easy lecture to teach and the topic is so boring that I couldn't make it interesting. But I still did my best, compromised on my expectations and did the basic slides. In other words, I focused on the content and made sure my slides were easy to understand. So came on Friday and I gave my final and maiden lecture. And it was a good lecture. It was simple, clear and easily understood. And surprisingly, I had fun on the stage, communicating with the other classes which I do not even know at all. My first lecture was good even though I only mentally prepared myself what to say only on that Friday morning. I had my last lesson with 0608. And I was teaching them the cost curves tutorial. And this cute class was not focusing because they look distracted. It was a sad lesson because I hated to part with them. I hated to say "Thank you class" for the last time. But this sweet class is so sweet. They are distracted because the pizza man was here. Yes, they ordered pizzas to give me a good farewell party. They are soooo sweet! And everything about them was so sweet that I almost wanted to cry. We had a simple farewell lunch, with one slice of pizza for everyone and cups of coke to be shared by everyone. It was a simple party and I was really very touched by it. Friday ended with me feeling very sad that I am leaving NYJC. I hated to leave my table. I hated to say bye to my colleagues with whom I established such strong bonds. I hated to leave the staffroom, leave my students. But I had to. And for the last time, I walked out the gates of NYJC, hoping to come back again.So I spent my weekend in a daze, getting over NYJC. And on Monday, I went back to NIE.Post Practicum happenings:First thing is, I didn't know that being given an opportunity for distinction is really so great. All my econs friends came to know about it and congratulated me. I was like,"No need lah... I may not even get it." I didn't know how to deal with this unwanted attention. I was shy. I just felt that I do not need this attention. It's so overwhelming. And my NIE Econs coordinator talked to me and she gave me a job task to do. She said she is compiling a book on Great Ideas in Teaching Economics. And she wanted me to contribute a teaching idea to her book. That was the second thing that I couldn't deal with. It is a great honour to be asked to contribute a teaching idea and I was not used to that attention as well.So to sum it up, there are 3 contenders for the distinction award. I do not know all of us will be given that distinction but I do know that there will be another round of assessment by another panel. To be honest, getting a distinction is not that important to me such that I am losing sleep and getting overly anxious about it. But it is still something to me. I just hope I will be given a fair assessment with my 2 other contenders. Well, I do hope that I will be given that distinction award. But one thing I should always remember is that grades are not everything. A good teacher is not good just by the grading she had received. Well, the remaining days of the week was spent praying about that distinction thingy and my final posting.
A Child of God blogged @ | 5:35 pm
