*.* Messages from God *.*
This is a continuation from my last post. =)From practicum, one thing that was so resonating throughout the past 10 weeks was God's will. It was God's will for me to enter teaching. Otherwise, why did He allow entry to teaching only at the 4th attempt? Why did He send my dad in my sleep to encourage me before the interview? Why did He give me a bad flu and sore throat on the day of the interview, only to clear the flu and sore throat temporarily during the actual interview so that I could answer the interviewer's questions easily?It was God's will for me to enter market research. It was a dog eat dog world and I learnt how to survive. I didn't exactly survive that well in the private sector but without the survival skills I learnt in the private sector, I wouldn't have survived well in the public sector. I learnt how to read between the lines. I learnt how to politely negotiate what I wanted. I learnt how to communicate with people. I don't call it hypocrisy but given the naive nature I have, private sector taught me how to defend myself.It was God's will for me to be a market researcher. Otherwise, I wouldn't have learnt how to be creative, how to be a good presenter, how to pretend to be confident even though I am full of anxiety inside, how to be comfortable in the presence of strangers, how to talk (crap). With this experience, I found it easier to teach during observations. I had to deal with immense pressure and anxiety and in the presence of strangers. And I did it comfortably...It was God's will for me to start giving Econs tuition at a young, tender age of 19. 7 years on, the experience I gained from teaching has benefited me a great deal for I am now able to answer my students' questions quickly and also to reinforce what I had learnt previously. It was God's will for me to teach in NYJC. Knowing that I wanted a Catholic or a spiritual element, He posted me there because there was an existing prayer group. And the interesting thing was, it only started early this year. It was God's will for me to do my practicum in NYJC because it made me realize how good I am and the gifts and talents I thought I never had. He made me discover there are indeed some good qualities in me and I should learn to put on more stars on myself instead of looking at the dots I have.And finally, it's God's will for me to be in NYJC permanently. Over the weekend, I began to feel anxious about my permanent teaching in NYJC. Will I be able to fit into the shoes of a trained teacher? I will be a trained teacher now, guidng my students to take the A Levels. Will I be able to guide them through? I was like freaking out lah, doubting my own capabilities. But at Novena, the priest gave a homily on the Friday's Gospel reading. This sentence struck me the most:Jesus said to his disciples: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. "
John 14:1
Yes, Lord! I was worrying again! But thank You Lord for telling me not to worry. Since You have led me through so many obstacles during my practicum, You will lead me through this new journey I am walking. And precisely because it is Your will for me to teach, You have made my paths so smooth. Why shouldn't I trust in You? I should just need to trust You. Keep on trusting and praying to You. It made me realize that since God planted me in teaching, He has already planned that I have a role to play in this career. It was then, that I asked God, "what role do You want me to play? Let me know."And during mass, the Gospel reading struck me. I was also asking God what I can do in my new status as a trained teacher. How can I cope with all the challenges? And this is what He said to me,"Jesus said to his disciples: "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower. He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and everyone that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit. You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you. Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me will be thrown out like a branch and wither; people will gather them and throw them into a fire and they will be burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples." (John 15:1-8)Yes, basically in all things to REMAIN IN JESUS. To put Him as the focus; to seek Him; to never to be so complacent to think that I can do without Jesus; to surrender all my students in His hands; to surrender every challenge to Jesus.Most importantly, I need to rely on Jesus to grow His fruits. To nuture my students. And in the process of this nurturing, I should let Jesus prune me and nuture me. I'm getting excited now. Of course I have my own anxieties but I try not to think about it. But what I do know is that the route ahead is going to be very exciting. So full of shit yet full of joys. And one thing is for sure, Jesus will be there for me as long as I seek Him and put Him in the centre of my life. Yup yup... some may say that this is a momentarily high. I also think so, that's why I am posting this blog to remind myself that in any job, there is shit and also joys. But no matter what, God has placed me in this job, has given me a special role to play and for this moment, the role is vaguely to bear fruits in my students. As to how I am going to do it, I'm not so sure. But if I allow Jesus to prune and nurture me, definitely He will help me to prune and nurture my students. Thank You Lord Jesus!
A Child of God blogged @ | 10:44 pm
