Birthday: 14th October Occupation: Cultivator; Moulder; Nurturer Currently I am inspired: To renovate my blog
To start on my next phase of new life in 2007
I thought I would be able to reach home early today as I did not have any contact time. But nope... I still left school at 8pm, half an hour earlier than the 2 previous nights.
After lunch, I was giving my students consultation for about 2 1/2 hours. That took me until 5pm and by that time, I was already very bushed. And I have to prepare for my observation class tomolo. And then... I will still need to prepare a take-home assgt for my students, to help them prepare adequately for their upcoming common test.
I feel sick. In fact, I think I am running a fever. And I am so tempted to report MC tomolo. But I have 4 classes, some admin stuff to clear and a VERY HOT track & field meet to attend tomolo. I still need to teach my class how to tackle data response questions - crucial for their common test.
I will be signing something that will be a key turning point in my life on Saturday. And that is my legal bond to MOE for 4 years ( 1 yr in MOE, 3 yrs in teaching). Teachers have come by and asked me whether "I am sure or not?" In other words, what they mean is, Is this what you want to do? Can you tahan all the stresses? Can you balance the demands of the students and all the schoolwork? Can you even focus on developing your students wholesome-ly, rather than focusing on the grades? Cos your perf is also partly based on how much you value-add your students. The list goes on and I do understand what they mean.
Honestly, I have mixed feelings. Yes, I am dead tired, exhausted, and absolutely have no life. I fear that if I continue to stay in school, I may never meet a suitable man. It's scary. I don't want to be a spinster. I want to get married. And I was just thinking, the main reason why I have "sold" my life to my students is because I want to make this the best term I could ever have. To help my students as much as I can to understand Econs. A good starting foundation is crucial before they "conquer" the other tougher topics. But again, if I were to teach full-time, I cannot possibly sell my life to these kids. I need to have my time.
So even though teaching has its own hazards, there is still this sickening feeling I cannot get rid of. It's sickening and it's potentially causing me a greater pitfall aka landing myself in deeper shit.
I have to be honest. That even though teaching has its pitfalls and its hazards, I love my students. Some students make me angry but yet some actually know that I am angry and tolerating them. And these kids make me happy. Some kids are not interested to learn but yet, some kids are wanting to learn, wanting to challenge themselves and even dream to do well. These kids make me wanna help them achieve their dreams. Some kids cheat during thier quizzes but yet some kids did try and did below their potential. And it gives me satisfaction to chide those students who are under-performing to make their realize that they are not performing and they have to buck up.
Just when I left school, dead tired and waiting for a cab to come by, I saw a group of students. 2 J2 girls and my ex student. This J2 girl told me,"Even though I don't know you, I like you. You give me a positive feeling." And ym ex student affirmed that and saif, "Yes, Ms Ho is a very nice teacher."
That brightened up my night. At the end of the day, when teachers sign on the dotted line, they have to be prepared to give more than they receive; they have to give without receiving anything rewarding and they need to have a very big capacity of unconditional love for their students.
At this, I have to offer up this big plunge I will be taking on Sat with God.
In the meantime, hopefully, my observation tomolo at 1130 will go well and that I will not fall that sick.
