Birthday: 14th October Occupation: Cultivator; Moulder; Nurturer Currently I am inspired: To renovate my blog
To start on my next phase of new life in 2007
Okie... i am not talking about that cute teddy bear...
A friend of mine, let's call her D. D is going to celebrate her 24th birthday this week. Initially I was thinking of sending her an e card cos she's in Australia studying. And then... I was wondering why didn't I think of sending her a birthday card in the first place? After all, it would be less then 10 bucks to get a card over to Australia.... if we are that good friends, money wouldn't be an important factor. It's just like a couple maintaining a long distance relationship... wld still sms/talk/email/write cards no matter how expensive it can get.
You see, D is supposed to be my very best friend. Our friendship is actually quite uncertain. I will try to cut the story short. D and i got to know each other in NUS, through the same major (Economics) and the same society (Catholic Students' Society). We did some events together in CSS, did 1 Economics module together. However, I felt that we were never really friends. or rather, best friends. I feel that I am just her spare type when her boyfriend is not around to keep her company or when she quarrelled with her bf and needs a shoulder to cry on. Basically, her bf is first and me last. Why last? Cos I am her ONLY friend who is always there for her.
She always forgets my birthday. I have known her for 5 years and she has always forgotten my birthday. Can best friends forget birthdays for 5 years continuously? When she skipped lectures, I advised her to come for class. She didn't. When it was nearing exam time, she was real desperate for notes and all that... she called me up the night before my exams! Prior to that, when we were in the same project group, she practically did nothing! When econs assingments were too difficult, she wanted me to give her my answers for her to copy. Hmmm.. is this what best friends are all about?
The 2 of us are coming to 24. And till now, I cannot really say she's my best friend. I guess it's because I have been too giving in this friendship that D is always on the receiving end and does not give much in this friendship.
I do not expect very much in friendships. I have 2 good friends whom I do not meet that often. Perhaps in a year, we meet up about 6 times? It would be good if we can meet up at least 8 times a year! Even though these 2 friends may have some things that irritate me, I call them my best friends cos we have been each other's shoulders to cry on, we have been each other's listening ears, and we have been each other's pillars of support. And I really hope we can be friends till the end of our lives.
i find it very hard to have good or best friends. I have many friends but I find it very hard to have good or best friends. How do I explain this... perhaps it's like a relationship.. you just know if this person can be your good/best friend. It's the feeling. Or maybe to be more grounded, a good or best friendship must have a mutual exhange of giving and taking. It's the trust that whenever you have some problems, you can count on this person to share your woes with. And for this, I find it very hard to get good or best friends.. most people now are too pre-occupied with themselves that they do not have time to establish good or best friendships.
As for D, i do not know how long this friendship is going to last. Perhaps I pity her cos she has a broken family, a broken relationship, insecure about herself, doesn't know what she is living for... that's why i see myself as her anchor.,.. to lift her up, above all her pits. But how long can this get? Honestly, sometimes it gets too tiring... in the sense, i find myself obliged to go that extra mile for her for example, sending a birthday card versus sending an e card.
Perhaps God has His purpose for making this friendship between D and I last... Maybe He is using me to bring her back to church... maybe He is using me to bring back the essence of living. Or maybe He is using her to teach me to be more giving and less expecting? I dunnoo....
Hmmm... now I really wonder if D remembers my birthday. It's not really THAT important to me BUT again, if D calls me her best friend, forgetting a best friend's birthday (after 5 years of friendship) could be a "sin". We will see about that....
