It's 2:40am on Sunday. I have RCIY class at 9 am and I will have less than 5 hours of sleep today.

There are many things going through my mind right now but Lord, I offer this piece of entry into your hands. I hope that this entry would record my turning points in my faith relationship with You.

I could never understand why someone that I know has always been behaving in a peculiar way. Let's call that someone G. I knew G for many many years. And just some years ago, G was going through a very tough time. And suddenly, I just didn't know G anymore. I couldn't understand why was G doing this or that. And today, I finally understood why.

G shared with me something that was done years ago. It was something bad that weighed heavily on G's conscience. G went through depression. G was angry with her/himself. G despised her/himself for doing that. But all along, I didn't know that G was struggling with the mistake she/he did many years ago.

Now, after many years of struggle, G has come out to be a stronger person. Most importantly, G converted, from a sunday catholic to a more fervent catholic. It wasn't easy for her/him to do so. After all, I was G's close friend and G never told me about it. G only chose to tell me today cos I was sharing with G the internal struggles I have been going through.

I thank God for G. I thank God for giving His grace to G. I couldn't have understood the difficult struggle G went through but I could emphatise with G. I knew it was not easy and I knew it took a lot of courage for G to share with me her/his story. I knew that it took a lot from G to stand up and start life all over again, as a reborn Catholic. And all these would not have been possible without the grace of God.

In a way, G's sharing helped me to resolve a few internal struggles I have been facing. As shared earlier in my past entries, the family responsibilities are weighing very heavily onto me. It's something that I feel, is not within my capacity to handle them. I feel overpowered. I feel subsumed by this big wave of responsibilities. When that happens, it will be the time where I yearn for another human support.

Therefore, when G shared with me her/his conversion story, it struck me that God is also letting me hop onto the conversion journey. I mean, I am not a VERY sinful person such that I am in dire need of conversion. BUT I have begun to realize that the responsibilities that are demanded of me from work, church, home is the start to my conversion story.

And I am very thankful to God. Cos by the grace of God, I am actually a simple girl. I have not landed myself into deep shit situations where I have totally sinned deeply against God. I have actually been a good girl all this while... I have not encountered situations where I have turned 360 degrees away from God. In short, I thank God for giving me a simplicity like that of a child... a heart that is earnest, sincere and focused onto the Lord. A love for God. And all these would not have been possible without the grace of God.

And this grace of God has enlightened me for several weeks. If you had read my earlier entries, I mentioned about 3 angels who have sent me a message from God. Over this week, there were a couple more. And till date, I think I have a total of 6 angels who have delivered God's message. Yes, it was rather difficult for me to accept His message. But with G's sharing today, I believe that with the grace of God, He will somehow make my paths straight. It reminded me of the Annunciation where Mary said to the angel Gabriel, "Be it unto me according to Your word." Yes, Lord. I wish to tell You this today. "Whatever it may be, may be. Be it unto me according to Your word."

I have done what the 6 messengers have told me already. And I offered up this intention during my rosary today. And I will offer it up during the Novena Procession later today. I firmly believe that God has been speaking to me. And I just want to thank God for His generous love. How honoured am I to have God affirming His message time and again?! It's jsut by the grace of God.

There are many things in my life I struggle with. Sometimes I keep them in my heart and I only tell God and Mother Mary infront of the Blessed Sacrament or in my rosaries. But I know now, that these internal struggles are paving the way to my conversion. Lord, I desire a deeper relationship with You. I desire a deeper prayer life with You. I desire very much to live in Your holy presence everyday of my life.

Lord, You have let me seen how weak I am. What a sinful creature I am. On what grounds do I deserve Your love? I know Lord, that I have been struggling to live as an apostole at work. It has been really difficult but I pray that You will grant me the grace to be Your instrument at work.

Dear Lord, let today be the start of my conversion. I offer up to You all my internal struggles. Everything Lord. When there's no one to be next to me, Lord, be by my side. Do not abandon me. Give me Your grace to journey this with You. Enlighten me when I am blind. Give me strength when I am weak. Give me courage when I fear. Help me to trust when my little faith fails me. Lord, be with me.

And Lord, Keep G in your sight. Guide G as G continues with her/his life. You know what G desires, so bless G Lord!

Dearest Mother, you have always been someone dear to me. Guide me dear mother in growing closer to your son Jesus. When I am weak, dear Mother, pray for me that I will never ever lose my God.

In Jesus Name, I pray. Amen.

For as I see it, God has exhibited us Apostles as the last of all, like people sentenced to death, since we have become a spectacle to the world, to angels and men alike. We are fools on Christ’s account, but you are wise in Christ; we are weak, but you are strong; you are held in honor, but we in disrepute. To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are poorly clad and roughly treated, we wander about homeless and we toil, working with our own hands. When ridiculed, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered, we respond gently. We have become like the world’s rubbish, the scum of all, to this very moment. I am writing you this not to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children. Even if you should have countless guides to Christ, yet you do not have many fathers, for I became your father in Christ Jesus through the Gospel.

1 Corinthians 4:6b-15