I had just finished my horrible work. In this year, this has to be the worst project I've ever done. This project has given me many sleepless nights, stress and painful neck aches, etc. Will fill you in later...
I submitted my data tables to the client at 12:10 am today... way way overdue by the "end of Friday".... hahahahha. But immediately after the submission, I took a very warm bath to ease my aching shoulders, sat down in my room and reflected on yesterday's gospel.
"Who then is the wise and trustworthy servant, whom the master placed over his household to give them their food at the proper time? Blessed that servant is his master's arrival finds him doing exactly that." Matthew 24: 45-46
I have to admit, that over the past few days of stressful work, I understood the meaning of responsibility much better. Responsibility comes together with wisdom and trust. While being responsible for a piece of work, you will need to be wise, to make mutually beneficial decisions for either party, without any selfish inclinations towards self. While being responsible, you will need to earn the trust of the other party so that you will be deemed trustworthy.
I never knew the amount of responsibility that I was holding while doing this project. I never knew the consequences of handling this responsibility correctly or incorrectly. Perhaps I was to engrossed in meeting with the impossible deadlines. Perhaps I was too caught up in my stress. But I just overlooked the power of responsibility.
I got awakened to the fact that whether in church, work, home or at play, I am continually called to be God's servant to one another. I am called to be His servant while doing His work on earth. And by doing His work on earth, God has given me that responsiblity to give "spiritual food" to His people (we serve). Therefore, in all things that I am doing, I am challenged to be radiate Christ's goodness to people. I am challenged to be His instrument of love, peace, compassion and understanding. That "whenever I do unto others, I do it unto myself". "Love one another as I have loved you."
"Therefore, you too must stand ready because the Son of man is coming at an hour you do not expect." Matthew 24:44
This verse implies that we must always be alert and not slacken in our work. For we cannot simply separate God from our lives. God and us are ONE. My life is united with Christ.
Verse 44 struck me in a different light. Throughout this week, all the incidents have made me realize that this market research career is not my vocation. Yes, God is not calling me to be a full-time market researcher. How do I come to this realization? I was not happy doing this work. I was not enjoying myself. And I found it very hard to be happy in the midst of suffering. I was lacking sleep, I suffered from shoulder aches... Many times, I wanted to break down and cry cos I was too stressed. I just knew that God is calling me to somewhere else...
Perhaps He has sent me 3 angels telling me where to go next. Cos' in the past 1 week, 3 people have given me the same message. I was astounded when these 3 people told me the same message. At first I didn't believe it. But when the 3rd person spoke to me (after all her prayer and discernment), I was further convinced that God could be leading the way for me. It's like in other words... God is telling me to wake up! Be ready! I (God) am now showing you the way you have been seeking for... so come and follow me!
"I am continually thanking God about you, for the grace of God which you have been given in Christ Jesus... And so, you are not lacking in any gift as you wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will continue to give you the strength till the very end... You can rely on God, who has called you to be partners with His Son Jesus Christ our Lord." 1 Corinthians1:4-9
I have to thank God for bestowing on me His graces of strength, perseverance, patience and hope during the times I felt like giving up. I truly felt it was impossible completing this project cos I was just doing the same monotonous job over and over again, looking at all those statistics. It was really killing me and making my brain overheated. But during the last lap, just when I thought it is awfully painful to continue on, He made it easier for me. As I had to resort to playing inspirational songs to spur me on, He carried me in his eagles' wings such that I could finish the whole thing before Saturday started! Hahahah so in other words, I could meet the client's deadline of "end of Friday". I literally handed in by the end of Friday.
And yes, I have been seeking God in letting me know where's my vocation, what am I called to do. Everyday of my life, I know God is calling me to do something special, but I do not know what. I know that my job right now is a temporal vocation. He is calling me to somewhere but I do not know what. But God is very loving to tell me that I am not lacking in anything as I wait for Him to reveal His plan to me. As I seek and knock everyday, He has been giving me strength to get through day by day. Silly me! How blind I am! How can I not see that He has been giving me strength daily? How can I not recognize His infinite love for me?! Of course God has a plan for me but why do I deserve His generosity? All through my difficulties, God has generously outpoured His graces onto me and it is to my own folly that I do not see it and take for granted the way things are.
"God's folly is wiser than human wisdom, and God's weakness is stronger than human strength." 1 Corinthians 1:25
This verse struck me hard. Very hard. It further drives home the point that I have to take that leap of faith and go forth to heed the message that my 3 angels had sent me. It's something I do not like to do but if God has sent these 3 angels, I had better to follow Him. For no matter what, God's folly is wiser that human wisdom... and He will give me the strength to go on... He will be my BIG ROCK, my trustworthy shepherd.
Dearest Lord, You have revealed many things to me today. Lord, I desire to rely on You more and more. Without You, I am nothing. Lord, never ever let me do without You. Dear Lord, thank You for loving me. Thank you for carrying me through all my difficult situations. Thank you for pulling me through this difficult work week.
Lord, life goes on and I will still continuously seek Your holy will for me. Reveal to me Your plan but pls Lord, take away my blindness so that I can see You. Help me to trust in You. Give me courage as well.
Mother Mary, pray for me because I believe God is leading the way for me. Guide me for I wish to follow Jesus. Amen.
