*.* What Corpus Christi means to me *.*
I went for mass at the Catholic Spirituality Centre today. Actually, at the last minute, I didn't want to go cos I realized I was the only facil going and I have to "nanny" so many neophytes... that whole thought made me more tired. Don't get me wrong yeah... it's not burdensome having to bring you guys for mass but having to take ownership and responsibility all by myself is indeed tiring... Wanted to cancel the whole outing but on some thoughts, I felt I should just take some time off and give my mind a break. Go and enjoy. Have fun with my neophytes. Bond with them, instead of bonding with my work and marking.Actually, looking back, it's not as bad as I thought so. After all, these kids are old enough and I guess, it was a good time bonding with them. I am beginning to feel that the monthly CSC mass is like a mini retreat for me. It's like totally abandoning yourself to God in PnW, worshipping God during mass and adoring Him in the Blessed Sacrament. It's about giving God the glory, worship and honour.Today's feast day is really important to me. I always have a special connection to the Eucharist. In fact, I would always recall the time when I was undergoing RCIY. I yearned for the Eucharist. And on the day I could finally receive it, I cried with joy, completely touched by God's presence and love for me.One thing that His Grace said today was true. That the Eucharist is a bread of something at different accounts in the Bible. The Eucharist is my bread of strength. Whenever I'm tired and I cannot go on, I would abandon myself to God and somehow, He would fill me up with strength. The Eucharist is my bread of comfort. When I couldn't finish my Econs paper, I cried bitterly during mass... asking the Lamb of God to have mercy on me. I had worked hard for the paper, only to blank out due to anxiety. The Eucharist is my bread of wisdom. I will always turn to God and ask Him for directions in different circumstances of my life. And somehow, He would shower me with wisdom such that I will seek to make decisions aligned to His will.The Eucharist is my bread of resilience. Everytime when I think I can't go on, when life's crosses are too heavy to bear, somehow, after receiving Jesus, a part of me is renewed and all ready to try again. Without the Eucharist, I wonder where I get the strength and fortitude to go on.The Eucharist is my bread of graces. Whenever I pray for God's graces to be an effective teacher, to be a good daughter, sister, facil, Jesus will give the necessary graces to fulfil my different vocations.Indeed, I recall the times when I wanted to go for daily mass but I was really very tired to go. If I had gone, I would be sleeping during mass and I didn't think that would be very good. And I am indeed guilty for not taking that extra effort to spend some time, worshipping God in daily mass. But again, on the altar, when I prayed my communion prayer, I offered up my failings, my weaknesses to God. He knows my iniquities cos I have told Him every week that I am truly sorry for being so weak and vulnerable. And I know that if I offer them up on the altar, somehow, Jesus would take them away with the communion of love I have with Him. "Yes, Lord. Draw me closer to you through this blessed communion I have with You," is what I would always pray before I receive Him.With the Eucharist in my mouth, I relish His presence in my life. Sometimes, I wonder how loved I am! To think God would want to remain in my body, when I am indeed a sinner. And that makes me want to thank God again. To thank Him for being so forgiving and generous in love. To thank Him for being so humble that He doesn't mind remaining in my sinful body. What have I done to receive His love? Nothing at all. And yet, Jesus still wants to share His life with me. How privileged I am! And for this, I am truly thankful.Weekly mass is very important to me. It's my highest point in my prayer life when I would offer up what went on for the past week and to share with God about my thoughts and reflections. And today, I was deeply touched by God's presence. Somehow, His presence was truly felt today. I was reflecting on my teaching stint for the 6 months. I was thinking how fast it was, that I had actually taught for 6 mths already.I remembered that I was in france when I got the news that I was teaching in AJC. I was overwhelmed and felt that I couldn't handle it. And at Lisieux, at St Therese basilica, I offered up this position to God. I simply asked Him to lead the way and I will follow.It has not been easy. It has been very tiring. It has also been discouraging. But no matter how tough teaching is, how challenging it is, how some kids really disappoint you, there is this part of me that still desires to give, to share, to teach and to help. And I thank God for giving this little light in me. Without this light, I do not think I can go on. Without this light, I dun think I can struggle through. And I dun think I would sign the 3 year bond.This light which somehow, does not diminish, serves as a significance that this is the way God wants me to walk. I recalled the time when I received His calling. How often did I talk to God about it during prayer? How often did I offer up this discernment during mass? Indeed, it has truly been a joy following God. It brings comfort to know that if you are not walking in the right way, as long as you turn to God, He will make a way out for you. But it brings greater comfort and assurance to realize that because I am in a vocation God has led me to, God will lead me in the rest of the journey. I am now discerning which JC should I apply to teach. And when I was looking at the Blessed Sacrament today, I received my answer. That somehow, I finally received His calling. I had been searching since the start of this year and I told God, that I will move if your calling is really strong. And yes, today, I finally received His calling. At least now, I know He has called me to do something which is something I will relish in my heart.It's beautiful, isn't it? Hearing God calling me to teach, I went to apply. Through all the prayers, I overcame all obstacles and got into teaching and even being able to teach Econs! And through more prayers, God had seen me through 6 observations and all the stresses and pressures. And even though I didn't spend much time praying, God spoke to me, saying that how I teach and nurture each kid in my class everyday is a prayer up to God. How beautiful! And how more beautiful is to receive affirmation that I still lurve this job despite the many bloodsuckers (my kids) in school and many bloodsucking issues I have to handle? This is indeed a gift from God! Without Him, I wouldn't have gotten my school experience in a JC, even though I was prepared to teach in a Secondary school. And it is just so beautiful that God is now paving for me another path, in continuation of the path He has previously laid.How blessed I am! I am indeed grateful to God for revealing His ways to me. I am thankful to Jesus for coming down in the form of the Eucharist. Without Him, I wouldn't experience such joys living a Christian life. And finally, without the Holy Spirit, I wouldn't have the inner strength in me to keep on going, to keep on praying and to keep me close to Jesus.Thank you Jesus. I love You. I adore You. I worship You. Amen!!!P/S : Pls pardon for my poor command of English, my lack of organization and my incongruent thoughts. It's MY blog and I am blogging whatever that comes to me mind. :P
A Child of God blogged @ | 12:35 am
