*.* Depressed. Stressed. Pressurized. Sian. Blessed. Happy. *.*
I am sian cos I stayed back till 9 plus for my CCA today. It's Pre U Sem. I hate it when I have to stay back cos I feel like I'm a bimbo. My comments are not considered and I feel like a fool. A vase. A total waste of time. I am kinda depressed and kinda stuck. I feel so demoralised cos I am thinking I am not cut out for the rigours of my school. It's insane having to stay back till 9pm everyday and I just attempted suicide by asking my students to hand in 4 essays (cos we have to finish the content area, u see & having to squeeze in 4 essays and 2 DRQs in 2 weeks is totally insane). My colleague was sharing with me that the reason why so many teachers are leaving my school is because they cannot tahan the rigiours and they are slowly losing out on the rat race. I am worried I will be like them too. I hate to lose out in the rat race. But if I stay in the competition, I might lose my life. So that makes me depressed. Cos I think it is clear now, that unless you are smart, gifted and talented, you will rise in my school. If not, you might as well join the other 30% who are contented with their 0.5% performance bonus or grade C.I am stressed cos I have an observation on tomolo. Monday's one was postponed cos my HOD couldn't make it. So I will be having one tomolo with my arts class. I hope I won't screw up this time. This class is quite a weak class and I hope they won't ask me funny questions that could throw me into a panic. And I am stressed cos I feel I have not made adequate preparations.I am pressurized cos I feel I need to rise to the occassion. Shit man... I need to rise to the occassion tomolo. Need to give it my best shot and hopefully it will be a smooth procedure. I want to wrap up my Term 2 on a good note.On the other hand, I feel blessed. Cos when I chose my monday's class for observation on Monday, my hod couldn't make it. And I feel so blessed cos I realized this class could screw me up. My 4 retained boys look as if they are not interested and my whole class had no mood to study. Ha... luckily my hod didn't come in.I am also very happy cos I got news that I will be posted back to this current school for school experience. I can see my students again. I can get to teach Econs again. And I am teaching in a JC. I feel so blessed.In the meantime, pls pray for me that my observation class will go very smoothly tomolo and that my students will be able to understand their concepts and do their tys.Lord, thank You for all these blessings. While I have to juggle my crosses and worries, Lord, help me to keep focused on my observation tomolo. Take away my stress, my worry. Bless my preparation work and give me the gift of wisdom and anoint my tongue so that I may impart knowledge to my kids. Lord, grant me a restful sleep also. Bless Me O Lord.
A Child of God blogged @ | 11:01 pm
