*.* "But when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on earth?” *.*
I haven't been blogging for a couple of days. Hmmm.. I had been blogging but it's just haven't put them up here yet...
I am kinda tired now. Just got back home after being out for more than 12 hours. Having only 5 hrs of sleep, had tuition with Jorlyn this morning, followed by Dec Camp meeting, a great mass at CTK and then went to meet up with my friend Geraldine. Was watching Forrest Gump with my kor and mummy but decided to dry my hair infront of the fan. And I was thinking, since I am waiting for my hair to dry, I might as well blog something I am strongly perturbed about.
During lunch time on Friday, my colleage B, A and I were discussing about life, marriage and commitments. Basically B is hesitant about marriage and is thinking of cohabiting with his girlfriend to "try out". The idea of cohabiting came about from his friends. Since his friends are doing it, B was also thinking of doing it so as to assess if his girlfriend is the one for him, blah blah blah... The thing was.. his girlfriend is a Catholic. And cohabiting will lead to more temptations on both parties... so it is strongly discouraged by the church.
Of course, I had my own points of view. I told both A and B that no matter what, my husband has to be a Catholic when we are getting married in Church. I believe that as a married couple, we should go through this Sacrament of Matrimony as we are getting married in the eyes of God (so our marriage is deemed approved by God) and furthermore, for better or worse, we are going through this marriage together with God. In other words, when I get married to my husband, the sacrament of matrimony is also a sacrament of faith, that no matter what, we, as a couple will pull through this together with God.
And then... my colleague A asked me this question: Whether your spouse is a Catholic or not at the point of marriage in Church, how sure are you that your spouse is on the same spiritual understanding as you? How sure are you that your husband view the sacrament of matrimoney as important as you? You could be thinking in that way because you are relatively pious but how sure are you that at the altar, your spouse holds the same views and thoughts abt marriage?
And here's the main part... He said.. frankly, nowadays, anyone with religion does not give any shit about religion. What he means is this... that people with religion will somehow place religion or God as second place. They are only thinking of myself, me and I and God will come as 2nd place. In other words, what he is saying is that, at the altar, my spouse may not give any shit to the sacrament of matrimony cos it doesn't matter to him at all.
Although I was stunned for any further debate, I have to agree that A is rather correct. And the fact that I have to agree with him is rather sad. If people recognize that they dun give any two hoots about God, why are they not doing anything about it? Do people not place any emphasis on God anymore? Do people place God as a spare tyre and see how God fits into our lives, instead of HOW OUR LIVES FIT INTO HIS HOLY WILL? Why are people not following God when they recognize that by doing this, they are turning way from Him? I can just go on and on.
And honestly, after all that debate, I feel that I am a freak. I feel so out of place suddenly. I have always desired to be a witness for Christ and now, when all these real facts confront me (again), I feel that I am such a strange person. I feel so lonely that suddenly, I realize that I may be talking to so many people on a different wavelength from me. In other words, ain't I a freak since I seem to be the odd one out placing so much emphasis on putting Christ as the centre of my life and seeking Him in all aspects of my life? Not many people whom I know are doing this. They tend to run along with their lives and see how God fits into their bill. So ain't I a freak?
My faith got shaken, like the boat on the choppy waters. I felt disillusioned about the institution of the church, about the people in church worshipping God and most importantly, about my faith. Suddenly, I feel a bit embarrassed to say I am a Catholic to my friends cos they could know many Catholics who could be doing things that may not be approved in God's eyes. Take the example of my friend's friend, who has been sleeping around with his girlfriend, before marriage. They have sinned but still receiving the Body of Christ. That's sacrilege. And that makes religion such a big joke to my friend. That's why she always tells me, she believes in God but she doesn't see the need for a religion cos people are still sinning and they are not changing...
In short... my faith got shaken cos I am no longer sure whether:
1) I am a good witness for Christ.
2) If I continue to bear witness for Christ to my friends, doesn't that make me a freak? Cos I may seem to be the odd one out, with a different perspective...
3) And how do I reconcile the fact that I think I am a freak with my desire to bear witness for Christ?
I went for mass today and somehow I met another freak. Of course, that "freak" was the priest. Who else, right? He's bearing witness to God. And He was telling us, that in the world today, we are being confronted with secularization such that we now think that others are more important than God. In other words, we make idols out of everything, except for God. I'm very very sure, that if you really really sit down and think about it, you would be able to think of more idols that you initially perceive to be. But the most important thing is, in recognizing that you are making idols out of everything (except God), what are you going to do about it? Are you still going to worship the other idols and not God? Yes... that is THE QUESTION THAT ALL OF US ARE BEING CONFRONTED WITH ALL THE TIME.
And so, "When the Son of Man comes down (to Singapore), will Jesus find faith on earth?" I hope and pray that, when faced with internal struggles, may we give in to His will, His Spirit, His truth, His way and let go of our will, our spirit, our truth and our way. And that would take a leap of faith.
I am still having that struggle now but it's not as bad as the whole of Friday and Saturday. At least now, I know, that I am not exactly a freak. Even if people think I am a freak (or someone strange), I should not be afraid and stand up for Christ. People may not understand why I am doing things in this way but as long as my intentions are centred onto Christ, I should not be afraid and be a fool for Christ. Hopefully, when the Son of Man comes, may He find more people having faith on earth.
P/S: My colleague A is married. Unfortunately, he is splitting up with his wife. I know that he is still getting over the break up and I prayed that he would find joy again. But it also further affirms me, that all the more, my spouse must be a Catholic at the altar, during the Sacrament of Matrimony. And the 2 of us must fully understand and embrace the sacredness of our union with God. Hmmm.. does that make me a freak then? I don't think so... but I think it will narrow my pool of potentials. Hmmm... nevermind.. God will provide for me...
A Child of God blogged @ | 2:08 am
