Wednesday, October 06, 2004
*.* The silence is finally broken *.*
I have not blogged an intimate entry with God for a long long time.
For those who have been reading my blogs constantly, please forgive me if I have been "tickling" your brains by posting up some song lyrics.
The thing is, I was at a point where I couldn't express myself in words. I didn't want to do anything much. I just wanted to be in the shell that I felt, it was not time to get out yet. So, in fact, the lyrics that I have chosen help to express my deepest emotions.
Anyway, I would deem that whole 1 1/2 weeks at the GREAT DEPRESSION in 2004. I have never been that that down in the pits for a long time.
I can't say I am out of the pits. But I am getting out of my shell now.
It's quite amazing who helped me to get out. It's Mother Mary.
As last Friday was my sister's birthday, I went for mass as it is a tradition to celebrate my sister's birthday with a mass. On that day, it was also the feast day of St Therese, my favourite saint. Anyway, we sang 2 Marian hymns which made me very comforted. Especially so, when I was challenged to follow St Therese's example, to lift up everything for the love of God.
It struck me, then to lift up everything to God. There were many things I felt that I couldn't do. I do not have the energy and strength to do them. Still, on that day, during mass, I offered God my burdens. Told Him that I don't expect Him to take them all away but I pray for strength and energy to get out of my shell.
It is indeed tough, especially when I am unable to reconcile a lot of things in my heart. It is tougher when there are no answers. Still, I was touched by Sunday's mass. The Gospel was about the mustardseed... that if we have faith like that of a mustardseed, we can move mountains...
Faith.. is an exceptional difficult word which we humans fail to grasp. Faith... is something that I am continuously exploring and seeking for. And I thank God for sending Mother Mary to guide me back to Him. God wanted me to understand that sometimes, things do not happen because in God's eyes, He felt it wasn't the best for me. God wanted me to understand that things do not happen to what I hope because He loves me and He wants the best for me. Though it can be painful, but for all those who love God, God will give the best to them.
Most importantly, is letting go and letting God take charge... So then, on that very Sunday, I told God the resolution I made.... that no matter how life situations are, may I continue to believe that all things happen in this way cos God wants the best for me. I prayed to my dear Lord that I may transform this darkness (aka GREAT DEPRESSION) into opportunities where I can grow in the virtues of patience, serenity, love and faith.
Thank you Mother Mary for leading me back to Jesus. Amen.
"But when God, who had set me apart from the time when I was in my mother's womb. called me through his grace and chose to reveal his Son in me..." Galatians 1:15-16
A Child of God blogged @ | 2:22 am
