Thursday, January 05, 2006
*.* A new prayer I learned. *.*
Think of a subject that brings a distate to your mouth.Think of a subject that you immediately do not feel like studying.Think of a subject which brings you to the deepest levels of sinking hopes.I'm talking about Maths. It's really strange how my pet subject is no longer my pet subject. I can't explain how I have developed a phobia for Maths, teaching Maths. Perhaps having failed the entrance test once, made me realize I am not that mathematically competent after all. Perhaps I did not deliver my lessons well during our mock lessons. I guess, the setback was when I received my lesson plan assgt last Sem. All the hardwork I put in went down the drain. Apparently, it was a poor lesson plan and that caused my grades to dip. I didn't do well for Maths in the end.So, to kick off my flood of assgt, is my much welcomed Maths lesson plan. I last did it on the last day of 2005, looked at it again a few days ago but made no progress. I just kept on going in circles and couldn't decide on my lesson plan. I was hesistant. I was worried. I was fearful. I was not confident. these thoughts were going through my mind:Am I going to get marked down again?I think my teacher doesn't like me.I think my LP suck. Are my ideas viable?I think my friends are doing much better than I am.Will this LP help me or pull me down?So, the disaster came yesterday when I realized what are my deliverables. One lesson plan for 70 mins, resources, worksheet for class, teacher's solutions to the worksheet, homework and solutions to the homework.I freaked out. I though my teacher said in 2005, it is the lesson plan only. Throughout the day, I was wrenched in fear and anziety. I sure cannot make it this time round.how am I going to finish all this in 1 night? I dun wanna leave a bad impression on my teacher. Somehow, during my train journey home, I decided to read my book, "Rise, let us be on our way" by our late pope. I thought perhaps it could calm my anxieties, teach me what to do. I knew I needed to get over my phobia. Once I get over it, I can decide on my lesson plan. Thank Gof for leading me to the book. Because in one chapter, the pope recounted how he used to entrust his worst anxieties to the intercession of the Holy Family. St Joseph, Mary and Jesus. 3 powerful intercessors. 3 hearts but beating as one. Can you imagine how powerful thier intercession will be? I have prayed to St Joe and Mary and Jesus, but never as one. I always pray to them separately. And so, praying to the Holy Family is something different.So at the bus stop, I prayed to the Holy Family. I prayed that I will come up with a good lesson plan that won't cause my grade to dip. I prayed that I will be peaceful and confident of my work. I prayed that I can concretizze my LP. And surprisingly, all was well. I could sit down and actually do my LP. All the previously fuzzy ideas somehow seemed clearer. And I was more confident of my LP.Even though it was getting late and I have not done much, I was not at all in a panic. I did it in my own pace and drowned myself in holy music to get me going. It was a peaceful attempt.And at 4am, I wrapped up my work, took a 3 hr sleep before going to school. Even making some last amendments was so light-hearted. At least now, I dun think I presented a bad lesson plan. I did with my best effort and I tried. I did not cave in to my phobia. It was also a good reminder to me not to be so narrow minded. I shouldn't let my previous setbacks deter me from keeping up the hope and faith. Things might change, I will never know it. I should just try. I need to keep a broader perspective. It's not about the grades. It's about God. It's about doing the work assigned to me with all my dedication and good effort so that it will be presentable to God. Good lesson learned to kick off my tsunami of assignments coming in. Thanks be to God.
A Child of God blogged @ | 10:31 pm
