Okays... I encountered my first temptation today. It went head on, right smack against my first resolution I made for Lent - to remain positive during my teaching stint.

Happy Hazel wanted to create some exciting atmosphere for Econs tutorial. Looking at her form class who is slightly ahead of time, she planned out a game and called it Operation Octopus 8. When she excitedly told her class, her class just laughed it off. LUN (aka tahan).

And then I started off that tutorial by clarifying the small mistake I made over the last tutorial. Basically... the question was" Would this case invalidate the law of demand?" Goodness sake, the stoopid tutorial couldn't make itself clear... I myself was confused and the students confused and all that. And so when I rectifed the mistake (cos simply, the error was due to a play of the word "INVALIDATE"), the whole class went against me and said, "no lah ms ho... how can it be? So in THIS case (of ostentacious goods), it would invalidate the law of demand, right?" True... but hell... the law of demand still stands. PERIOD. But no no... those few smart alecks still went on to arugue and debate... 2ND LUN.

Then the game OO8 went into play. I suspect the game didn't take off as I wanted becos I split the class up, broke their dynamics and all that. And I suspect that they must be a lil bit unhappy that I broke up their cliques. (WHO CARES?) But anyway, as the game took place, the whole class was quiet (usually you would expect some rah rah right?) But NO.... those few alecks said... "Ms Ho... your game very boring. Shd give us prize to make it exciting." WAH LAU... think I so rich ah... with every game I come up with, I must spend money and give prize? 3RD LUN.

But OO8 worked to achieve 2 of my aims : To encourage group learning and to ensure that every student wakes up and learn. Hmmm.. back to the whole bunch of arrogants... Then I suggested sarcastically that they should come up with their own game themselves. OH WELL, they didn't get that bloody hint... they said OK! We will come up with one... ... ... 4TH LUN.

At the corner of my classroom, I saw that student... damn bored face and yawning. I know she's purposely doing that. But guess what? SHE BLATANTLY SLEPT. She put her head down and slept. I LUNNED. 5th LUN.

AND LUNNED.... cos I didn't want to interupt the class (I wanted to create some wham bang and walk out of class) as I needed to complete that entire tutorial to prepare them for their common test. but she still slept. I told her last time that if she's sleepy, go wash her face but NO... she just slept. 6th LUN.

When class ended, I just walked off. During lunch, the class made some attempts to apologize. Even dedicated a song to me since it's valentine's day blah blah... But I was so peeved... I mean... it's so childish... teacher gets angry, the class pacifies teacher, hooray! Back to normal! Friend friend and then the students stepped over the boundaries and teacher gets angry again. I am so sick of it. They are not listening. They are not learning.

And I guess, it came from the ultimate that as I passed by my students, they nudged the girl who was sleeping to apologise to me. BUT NO... she shouted... WHO CARES? It wasn't that loud but as I was on another flight of staircase, it was audible enough to hear. And that cut me like a sharp knife...

Arrogants? I realized that it was just that few people that made me so peeved. Yeaps... they crossed that boundary. I can be a friend to them but when I am teaching, I wld expect that respect.

I didn't turn up for their civics period at all. I need to make that stand that hey... I cannot tolerate their nonsense....

Put it in another way... was I being too friendly with them? Did I cross that boundary myself by exposing myself online via MSN and Friendster?

To look in another way... Or are these students just arrogants? Honestly... I can't make myself be nice to that girl. In fact, I feel like ignoring her and giving her THAT face and blatantly picking on her. But I know that I should not do that. But... I guess... I will just probably leave her alone... so much for inspiring these kids... they just dun want to kick their butts and get moving...

I am disappointed. Thank God I am not facing my class tomolo, except during Assembly when I will take their bloody attendance. I JUST DUN GET IT. I LOOK AT OTHER CLASSES AND THEY STAND IN A ROW, STRAIGHT IN FRONT. BUT MY CLASS... THEY LEAVE ONE BIG BIG GAP IN THE FRONT AND THE FIRST STUDENT IN LINE IS LIKE 2 METRES BEHIND FROM THE 1ST STUDENT IN THE OTHER CLASS??? What crap is this? Don't they know how to move up front (and to be aligned with all the other classes) when the first assembly bell rings?

Sighs... I will be fasting today. Didn't fast on Friday cos I was on medication. And I will offer up this fast for my class. I hope they understand the predicament I am in and I hope I will let go of my anger and understand them as well.

Look out for my 2nd "temptation" soon...