Sunday, December 12, 2004
*.* Dun Wanna Sleep... *.*
For the past 3 days, I think I had the most fulfiling days of my life.
Was actually supposed to finish writing my warm fuzzies but I decided to put it on hold (again! and as usual!) cos I just wanted to blog.
I think my life is going to change drastically when I come back from my trip in 2005.
I don't know what's going to happen but I know my life is headed for a 360-degree change.
And how am I feeling? A mixture of emotions - anxiety, excitement, anticipation, frustration, fear, assurance.
As you can also read from that line above, these feelings tend to contradict one another.
I guess, I will be entering into a new career where it finally dawned onto me that teaching is perceived as a BIG RISK, BIG COMMITMENT, BIG RESPONSBILITIY and something that you will need to CONSIDER BIG TIME. That's the reason why people tend to be sceptical towards my sudden (and drastic switch) to teaching.
But here's my take: Honestly, I know the big shift and I know I may not adapt to it. And honestly, I do not know what's going to happen when I am teaching (so which means... I donot know what is there to adapt yet.) But one thing I know is that God put me there and He will see me through. So all I ever need to do is to hold firm to Him.
I am also tredding on a very thin line which if not careful, I may lose my balance. I am talking about money here. Honestly, I am getting very very peeved with people owing me money. Thought Amin was a tough nut to crack. Now I have to crack my tuition kid... she's the one I have been thinking of dropping and she's the one who has been delaying payment. I need the money for my trip to France. If I do not have the money before I leave, I will then really need to rely on Divine Providence to satisfy my tummy and all my needs in France... I am definitely not intending to be a calculative person here who's basing her security on money. Nope.. that would be the last thing I want to do. BUT dealing with people who seem not to have an urgency to pay back what is LONG LONG overdue is indeed very irksome. It's like... don't they feel paiseh owing people money for the longest time ever? I hate to be a persistent loanshark but for Amin's case... it's simply too bad. Dropped him a sms today and I intend to drop him another one on Sunday. Wanna show him how desperate and how urgently I need the cash cos otherwise, this guy here is gonna procrastinate...
My life... besides tuition, I guess the time has come to really sit down and talk to God. I am sure looking forward to my stay at Lourdes and Lisieux. I can just imagine myself staring at the Grotto and talking to God (with the intercessions of Mother Mary). There are just so many things I need to ask God, so many things to surrender, so many things to think through, so many things to share with Him. He is my beloved Father and I just want to shut out everything and share my life with Him for the next 16 days.
RCIY... I simply lurve my catechumens very much. I really thanked God for the times I spent with them in this week... Elaine on monday - Simple outing but I really enjoyed talking to her. Sure wished there's another outing because there's jsut so much we both need to ask, share and understand one another. The other one was with Juliet, Mei Xia, Alycia, Shawn and Leslie. Oh man... they gave KTVing a totally different notion man... for the first time in my life, KTVing was not about sitting down and sing... it can be done through jumping on the sofa and sing, singing without the mike, group singing, dancing and singing... wah... never had such a fun time at a KTV lounge... and yes, I sung the most in my lifetime during that trip over there... I am also looking forward to another karaoke outing... next year lor.. in 2005!
Family... eversince my dad passed away, this Lourdes trip has been in our anticipation... perhaps my mum really wanted to see what Lourdes was like... perhaps my family wanted to be there to be healed... perhaps it could possibly be our most memorable trip abroad... but two things I sure hope, that my family would be bonded together more strongly after this trip. The second thing is for each one of us to have a stronger personal relationship with God.
God spoke and revealed to me many things over the past 3 days. No time to blog it down... but to cut short everything... He is drumming into my pea brain that in all the things I do and experience, He has a purpose for me. And if I want to understand His purpose, I have to embrace His will.
In the meantime, I am in anticipation... waiting for the Coming of the Lord into my life. Amen.
A Child of God blogged @ | 4:20 am
