I dunno how to describe this pain.

But it's something that I have held on to, thrown myself in a delusion and finally, the realization that I have to let go. Yes, let go.

The reality struck me and it finally dawned onto me that a part of me will be gone. It's so strange how we take people for granted, scold them, be impatient with them and when the time comes, much as we are at mild loggerheads with them, we have to experience the pain of letting go.

I cried in the staffroom today. Not much but it was enough to make my face turn red and eyes wet.

It is very painful indeed. And what goes on from here? Fear, pressure.

And I have to put on a brave front still. Oh my... I didn't know how weak I am. I have to let go and I know it is not going to be easy. But I have to.